- 1 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/10(水) 17:26:41
出勤・帰宅時間関係で愚痴っても おｋ とします
- 2 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/10(水) 17:49:46
- 3 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/10(水) 18:20:37
- 4 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/10(水) 19:48:51
【ニュース速報】【速報】やっぱり官僚つこうた 文部科学省職員事実認めるも 「どういうことか分かりません」
- 5 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/11(木) 01:39:31
- 6 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/11(木) 21:21:30
- 7 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/12(金) 23:24:04
- 8 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/17(水) 17:41:42
- 9 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/17(水) 23:04:00
- 10 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/21(日) 00:23:18
- 11 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/23(火) 23:51:24
- idou age
- 12 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/03/28(日) 16:35:42
- 13 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/04/11(日) 09:33:36
- 14 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/04/27(火) 19:00:52
- 15 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/05/14(金) 19:01:06
- 16 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/05/26(水) 17:21:34
- 17 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/07(水) 19:58:48
- 18 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 12:50:57
- 19 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:06:45
- 20 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:07:36
- 21 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:10:17
- 22 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:11:31
- 23 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:12:17
- 24 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:12:38
- 25 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:13:51
- 26 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:15:20
- 27 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:16:33
- 28 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:16:54
- 29 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:17:58
- 30 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:31:06
- 31 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:35:21
- 32 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:36:16
- 33 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:37:03
- 34 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:40:54
- 35 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:43:05
- 36 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:43:14
- 37 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:43:23
- 38 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:43:32
- 39 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:44:32
- 40 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:48:53
- 41 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:49:35
- 42 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:50:53
- 43 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:51:07
- 44 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:54:30
- 45 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:54:49
- 46 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:55:11
- 47 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:56:00
- 48 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:56:20
- 49 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:57:17
- 50 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:57:25
- 51 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:57:37
- 52 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:57:48
- 53 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:57:56
- 54 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:58:28
- 55 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 13:59:26
- 56 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:00:15
- 57 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:00:28
- 58 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:08:20
- 59 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:09:03
- 60 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:09:26
- 61 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:09:53
- 62 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:11:00
- 63 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:11:52
- 64 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:12:10
- 65 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:13:52
- 66 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:14:25
- 67 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:17:46
- 68 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:18:15
- 69 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:18:46
- 70 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:18:54
- 71 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:19:59
- 72 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:20:28
- 73 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:20:35
- 74 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:20:51
- 75 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:21:00
- 76 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:21:25
- 77 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:21:35
- 78 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:22:13
- 79 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:23:12
- 80 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:23:46
- 81 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:23:57
- 82 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:24:05
- 83 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:24:35
- 84 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:24:44
- 85 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:25:42
- 86 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:25:50
- 87 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:26:38
- 88 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:27:31
- 89 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:27:40
- 90 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:27:49
- 91 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:27:57
- 92 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:28:49
- 93 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:31:43
- 94 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:32:08
- 95 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:32:56
- 96 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:33:18
- 97 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:33:58
- 98 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:34:36
- 99 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:34:48
- 100 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:35:17
- 101 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:35:26
- 102 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:35:37
- 103 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:36:10
- 104 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:36:48
- 105 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:37:45
- 106 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:38:09
- 107 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:38:30
- 108 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:39:17
- 109 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:39:35
- 110 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:39:43
- 111 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:48:02
- 112 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:48:44
- 113 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:49:07
- 114 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:49:38
- 115 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:49:56
- 116 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:51:51
- 117 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:51:58
- 118 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:52:33
- 119 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:52:48
- 120 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:53:12
- 121 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:55:05
- 122 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:55:33
- 123 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:55:40
- 124 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:56:02
- 125 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:56:25
- 126 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:56:36
- 127 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:56:54
- 128 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:57:06
- 129 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:57:27
- 130 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:57:34
- 131 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:57:54
- 132 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:58:05
- 133 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:58:14
- 134 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:58:46
- 135 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:58:59
- 136 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:59:07
- 137 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 14:59:19
- 138 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:01:26
- 139 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:01:44
- 140 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:02:28
- 141 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:04:24
- 142 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:04:37
- 143 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:05:16
- 144 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:05:30
- 145 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:05:58
- 146 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:06:14
- 147 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:06:35
- 148 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:06:46
- 149 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:06:55
- 150 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:07:02
- 151 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:07:23
- 152 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:07:59
- 153 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:08:27
- 154 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:08:49
- 155 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:09:18
- 156 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:09:53
- 157 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:11:04
- 158 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:11:26
- 159 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:13:34
- 160 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:13:56
- 161 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:14:10
- 162 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:14:32
- 163 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:15:07
- 164 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:15:16
- 165 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:15:55
- 166 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:16:15
- 167 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:16:42
- 168 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:17:44
- 169 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:18:11
- 170 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:18:24
- 171 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:18:40
- 172 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:19:26
- 173 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:21:00
- 174 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:22:15
- 175 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:22:24
- 176 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:23:01
- 177 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:23:11
- 178 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:24:37
- 179 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:25:35
- 180 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:25:46
- 181 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:26:02
- 182 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:26:50
- 183 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:27:00
- 184 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:27:16
- 185 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:27:23
- 186 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:27:44
- 187 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:28:32
- 188 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:28:56
- 189 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:29:04
- 190 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:29:24
- 191 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:29:32
- 192 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:29:59
- 193 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:31:18
- 194 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:31:47
- 195 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:32:29
- 196 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:32:37
- 197 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:32:59
- 198 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:33:07
- 199 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:33:58
- 200 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:34:06
- 201 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:34:30
- 202 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:34:54
- 203 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:35:29
- 204 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:36:18
- 205 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:37:34
- 206 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:38:00
- 207 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:38:25
- 208 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:38:35
- 209 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:39:20
- 210 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:39:53
- 211 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:40:05
- 212 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:40:13
- 213 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:40:50
- 214 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:41:28
- 215 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:42:05
- 216 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:42:13
- 217 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:42:45
- 218 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:43:27
- 219 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:43:35
- 220 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:44:00
- 221 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:44:21
- 222 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:44:30
- 223 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:44:49
- 224 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:45:02
- 225 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:45:09
- 226 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:45:47
- 227 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:46:12
- 228 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:46:23
- 229 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:47:37
- 230 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:48:18
- 231 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:48:27
- 232 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:48:38
- 233 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:49:01
- 234 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:50:21
- 235 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 15:50:30
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- THE CATCHER IN THE RYE
by J.D. Salinger
- 431 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:07:55
If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably wan
t to know is where I was born, an what my lousy childhood was like, and how my p
arents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield
kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth
. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, my parents w
ould have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about
them. They're quite touchy about anything like that, especially my father. They'
- 432 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:08:16
- re nice and all--I'm not saying that--but they're also touchy as hell. Besides,
I'm not going to tell you my whole goddam autobiography or anything. I'll just t
ell you about this madman stuff that happened to me around last Christmas just b
efore I got pretty run-down and had to come out here and take it easy. I mean th
at's all I told D.B. about, and he's my brother and all. He's in Hollywood. That
isn't too far from this crumby place, and he comes over and visits me practical
ly every week end. He's going to drive me home when I go home next month maybe.
He just got a Jaguar. One of those little English jobs that can do around two hu
ndred miles an hour. It cost him damn near four thousand bucks. He's got a lot o
f dough, now. He didn't use to. He used to be just a regular writer, when he was
- 433 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:08:29
- home. He wrote this terrific book of short stories, The Secret Goldfish, in cas
e you never heard of him. The best one in it was "The Secret Goldfish." It was a
bout this little kid that wouldn't let anybody look at his goldfish because he'd
bought it with his own money. It killed me. Now he's out in Hollywood, D.B., be
ing a prostitute. If there's one thing I hate, it's the movies. Don't even menti
on them to me.
Where I want to start telling is the day I left Pencey Prep. Pencey Prep
is this school that's in Agerstown, Pennsylvania. You probably heard of it. You
've probably seen the ads, anyway. They advertise in about a thousand magazines,
always showing some hotshot guy on a horse jumping over a fence. Like as if all
- 434 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:08:53
- you ever did at Pencey was play polo all the time. I never even once saw a hors
e anywhere near the place. And underneath the guy on the horse's picture, it alw
ays says: "Since 1888 we have been molding boys into splendid, clear-thinking yo
ung men." Strictly for the birds. They don't do any damn more molding at Pencey
than they do at any other school. And I didn't know anybody there that was splen
did and clear-thinking and all. Maybe two guys. If that many. And they probably
came to Pencey that way.
Anyway, it was the Saturday of the football game with Saxon Hall. The ga
me with Saxon Hall was supposed to be a very big deal around Pencey. It was the
last game of the year, and you were supposed to commit suicide or something if o
- 435 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:09:00
- ld Pencey didn't win. I remember around three o'clock that afternoon I was stand
ing way the hell up on top of Thomsen Hill, right next to this crazy cannon that
was in the Revolutionary War and all. You could see the whole field from there,
and you could see the two teams bashing each other all over the place. You coul
dn't see the grandstand too hot, but you could hear them all yelling, deep and t
errific on the Pencey side, because practically the whole school except me was t
here, and scrawny and faggy on the Saxon Hall side, because the visiting team ha
rdly ever brought many people with them.
There were never many girls at all at the football games. Only seniors w
ere allowed to bring girls with them. It was a terrible school, no matter how yo
- 436 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:10:06
- u looked at it. I like to be somewhere at least where you can see a few girls ar
ound once in a while, even if they're only scratching their arms or blowing thei
r noses or even just giggling or something. Old Selma Thurmer--she was the headm
aster's daughter--showed up at the games quite often, but she wasn't exactly the
type that drove you mad with desire. She was a pretty nice girl, though. I sat
next to her once in the bus from Agerstown and we sort of struck up a conversati
on. I liked her. She had a big nose and her nails were all bitten down and bleed
y-looking and she had on those damn falsies that point all over the place, but y
ou felt sort of sorry for her. What I liked about her, she didn't give you a lot
of horse manure about what a great guy her father was. She probably knew what a
- 437 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:10:18
- phony slob he was.
The reason I was standing way up on Thomsen Hill, instead of down at the
game, was because I'd just got back from New York with the fencing team. I was
the goddam manager of the fencing team. Very big deal. We'd gone in to New York
that morning for this fencing meet with McBurney School. Only, we didn't have th
e meet. I left all the foils and equipment and stuff on the goddam subway. It wa
sn't all my fault. I had to keep getting up to look at this map, so we'd know wh
ere to get off. So we got back to Pencey around two-thirty instead of around din
nertime. The whole team ostracized me the whole way back on the train. It was pr
etty funny, in a way.
- 438 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:10:27
- The other reason I wasn't down at the game was because I was on my way t
o say good-by to old Spencer, my history teacher. He had the grippe, and I figur
ed I probably wouldn't see him again till Christmas vacation started. He wrote m
e this note saying he wanted to see me before I went home. He knew I wasn't comi
ng back to Pencey.
I forgot to tell you about that. They kicked me out. I wasn't supposed t
o come back after Christmas vacation on account of I was flunking four subjects
and not applying myself and all. They gave me frequent warning to start applying
myself--especially around midterms, when my parents came up for a conference wi
th old Thurmer--but I didn't do it. So I got the ax. They give guys the ax quite
- 439 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:10:35
- frequently at Pencey. It has a very good academic rating, Pencey. It really doe
Anyway, it was December and all, and it was cold as a witch's teat, espe
cially on top of that stupid hill. I only had on my reversible and no gloves or
anything. The week before that, somebody'd stolen my camel's-hair coat right out
of my room, with my fur-lined gloves right in the pocket and all. Pencey was fu
ll of crooks. Quite a few guys came from these very wealthy families, but it was
full of crooks anyway. The more expensive a school is, the more crooks it has--
I'm not kidding. Anyway, I kept standing next to that crazy cannon, looking down
at the game and freezing my ass off. Only, I wasn't watching the game too much.
- 440 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:11:21
- Boy, I rang that doorbell fast when I got to old Spencer's house. I was
really frozen. My ears were hurting and I could hardly move my fingers at all. "
C'mon, c'mon," I said right out loud, almost, "somebody open the door." Finally
old Mrs. Spencer opened. it. They didn't have a maid or anything, and they alway
s opened the door themselves. They didn't have too much dough.
"Holden!" Mrs. Spencer said. "How lovely to see you! Come in, dear! Are
you frozen to death?" I think she was glad to see me. She liked me. At least, I
think she did.
Boy, did I get in that house fast. "How are you, Mrs. Spencer?" I said.
"How's Mr. Spencer?"
- 441 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:11:32
- "Let me take your coat, dear," she said. She didn't hear me ask her how
Mr. Spencer was. She was sort of deaf.
She hung up my coat in the hall closet, and I sort of brushed my hair ba
ck with my hand. I wear a crew cut quite frequently and I never have to comb it
much. "How've you been, Mrs. Spencer?" I said again, only louder, so she'd hear
"I've been just fine, Holden." She closed the closet door. "How have you
been?" The way she asked me, I knew right away old Spencer'd told her I'd been
"Fine," I said. "How's Mr. Spencer? He over his grippe yet?"
- 442 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:11:49
- "Over it! Holden, he's behaving like a perfect--I don't know what. . . H
e's in his room, dear. Go right in."
They each had their own room and all. They were both around seventy year
s old, or even more than that. They got a bang out of things, though--in a haif-
assed way, of course. I know that sounds mean to say, but I don't mean it mean.
I just mean that I used to think about old Spencer quite a lot, and if you thoug
- 443 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:11:57
- ht about him too much, you wondered what the heck he was still living for. I mea
n he was all stooped over, and he had very terrible posture, and in class, whene
ver he dropped a piece of chalk at the blackboard, some guy in the first row alw
ays had to get up and pick it up and hand it to him. That's awful, in my opinion
. But if you thought about him just enough and not too much, you could figure it
out that he wasn't doing too bad for himself. For instance, one Sunday when som
e other guys and I were over there for hot chocolate, he showed us this old beat
-up Navajo blanket that he and Mrs. Spencer'd bought off some Indian in Yellowst
one Park. You could tell old Spencer'd got a big bang out of buying it. That's w
hat I mean. You take somebody old as hell, like old Spencer, and they can get a
- 444 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:12:05
- big bang out of buying a blanket.
His door was open, but I sort of knocked on it anyway, just to be polite
and all. I could see where he was sitting. He was sitting in a big leather chai
r, all wrapped up in that blanket I just told you about. He looked over at me wh
en I knocked. "Who's that?" he yelled. "Caulfield? Come in, boy." He was always
yelling, outside class. It got on your nerves sometimes.
The minute I went in, I was sort of sorry I'd come. He was reading the A
tlantic Monthly, and there were pills and medicine all over the place, and every
thing smelled like Vicks Nose Drops. It was pretty depressing. I'm not too crazy
about sick people, anyway. What made it even more depressing, old Spencer had o
- 445 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:12:17
- n this very sad, ratty old bathrobe that he was probably born in or something. I
don't much like to see old guys in their pajamas and bathrobes anyway. Their bu
mpy old chests are always showing. And their legs. Old guys' legs, at beaches an
d places, always look so white and unhairy. "Hello, sir," I said. "I got your no
te. Thanks a lot." He'd written me this note asking me to stop by and say good-b
y before vacation started, on account of I wasn't coming back. "You didn't have
to do all that. I'd have come over to say good-by anyway."
"Have a seat there, boy," old Spencer said. He meant the bed.
I sat down on it. "How's your grippe, sir?"
"M'boy, if I felt any better I'd have to send for the doctor," old Spenc
- 446 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:12:27
- er said. That knocked him out. He started chuckling like a madman. Then he final
ly straightened himself out and said, "Why aren't you down at the game? I though
t this was the day of the big game."
"It is. I was. Only, I just got back from New York with the fencing team
," I said. Boy, his bed was like a rock.
He started getting serious as hell. I knew he would. "So you're leaving
us, eh?" he said.
"Yes, sir. I guess I am."
He started going into this nodding routine. You never saw anybody nod as
much in your life as old Spencer did. You never knew if he was nodding a lot be
- 447 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:12:49
- cause he was thinking and all, or just because he was a nice old guy that didn't
know his ass from his elbow.
"What did Dr. Thurmer say to you, boy? I understand you had quite a litt
"Yes, we did. We really did. I was in his office for around two hours, I
"What'd he say to you?"
"Oh. . . well, about Life being a game and all. And how you should play
it according to the rules. He was pretty nice about it. I mean he didn't hit the
ceiling or anything. He just kept talking about Life being a game and all. You
- 448 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:13:05
"Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rul
"Yes, sir. I know it is. I know it."
Game, my ass. Some game. If you get on the side where all the hot-shots
are, then it's a game, all right--I'll admit that. But if you get on the other s
ide, where there aren't any hot-shots, then what's a game about it? Nothing. No
game. "Has Dr. Thurmer written to your parents yet?" old Spencer asked me.
"He said he was going to write them Monday."
"Have you yourself communicated with them?"
- 449 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:15:14
- lions of gray hairs. I've had them ever since I was a kid. And yet I still act s
ometimes like I was only about twelve. Everybody says that, especially my father
. It's partly true, too, but it isn't all true. People always think something's
all true. I don't give a damn, except that I get bored sometimes when people tel
l me to act my age. Sometimes I act a lot older than I am--I really do--but peop
le never notice it. People never notice anything.
Old Spencer started nodding again. He also started picking his nose. He
made out like he was only pinching it, but he was really getting the old thumb r
ight in there. I guess he thought it was all right to do because it was only me
that was in the room. I didn't care, except that it's pretty disgusting to watch
- 450 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:15:30
- somebody pick their nose.
Then he said, "I had the privilege of meeting your mother and dad when t
hey had their little chat with Dr. Thurmer some weeks ago. They're grand people.
"Yes, they are. They're very nice."
Grand. There's a word I really hate. It's a phony. I could puke every ti
me I hear it.
Then all of a sudden old Spencer looked like he had something very good,
something sharp as a tack, to say to me. He sat up more in his chair and sort o
f moved around. It was a false alarm, though. All he did was lift the Atlantic M
- 451 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:15:50
- onthly off his lap and try to chuck it on the bed, next to me. He missed. It was
only about two inches away, but he missed anyway. I got up and picked it up and
put it down on the bed. All of a sudden then, I wanted to get the hell out of t
he room. I could feel a terrific lecture coming on. I didn't mind the idea so mu
ch, but I didn't feel like being lectured to and smell Vicks Nose Drops and look
at old Spencer in his pajamas and bathrobe all at the same time. I really didn'
It started, all right. "What's the matter with you, boy?" old Spencer sa
id. He said it pretty tough, too, for him. "How many subjects did you carry this
- 452 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:16:17
- "I know that, sir. Boy, I know it. You couldn't help it."
"Absolutely nothing," he said over again. That's something that drives m
e crazy. When people say something twice that way, after you admit it the first
time. Then he said it three times. "But absolutely nothing. I doubt very much if
you opened your textbook even once the whole term. Did you? Tell the truth, boy
"Well, I sort of glanced through it a couple of times," I told him. I di
dn't want to hurt his feelings. He was mad about history.
"You glanced through it, eh?" he said--very sarcastic. "Your, ah, exam p
aper is over there on top of my chiffonier. On top of the pile. Bring it here, p
- 453 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:16:27
It was a very dirty trick, but I went over and brought it over to him--I
didn't have any alternative or anything. Then I sat down on his cement bed agai
n. Boy, you can't imagine how sorry I was getting that I'd stopped by to say goo
d-by to him.
He started handling my exam paper like it was a turd or something. "We s
tudied the Egyptians from November 4th to December 2nd," he said. "You chose to
write about them for the optional essay question. Would you care to hear what yo
u had to say?"
"No, sir, not very much," I said.
- 454 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:16:46
- The Egyptians are extremely interesting to us today for
various reasons. Modern science would still like to know what
the secret ingredients were that the Egyptians used when they
wrapped up dead people so that their faces would not rot for
innumerable centuries. This interesting riddle is still quite
a challenge to modern science in the twentieth century.
He stopped reading and put my paper down. I was beginning to sort of hat
e him. "Your essay, shall we say, ends there," he said in this very sarcastic vo
ice. You wouldn't think such an old guy would be so sarcastic and all. "However,
- 455 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:17:17
- Respectfully yours, HOLDEN CAULFIELD.
He put my goddam paper down then and looked at me like he'd just beaten
hell out of me in ping-pong or something. I don't think I'll ever forgive him f
or reading me that crap out loud. I wouldn't've read it out loud to him if he'd
written it--I really wouldn't. In the first place, I'd only written that damn no
te so that he wouldn't feel too bad about flunking me.
"Do you blame me for flunking you, boy?" he said.
"No, sir! I certainly don't," I said. I wished to hell he'd stop calling
me "boy" all the time.
- 456 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:17:29
- He tried chucking my exam paper on the bed when he was through with it.
Only, he missed again, naturally. I had to get up again and pick it up and put i
t on top of the Atlantic Monthly. It's boring to do that every two minutes.
"What would you have done in my place?" he said. "Tell the truth, boy."
Well, you could see he really felt pretty lousy about flunking me. So I
shot the bull for a while. I told him I was a real moron, and all that stuff. I
told him how I would've done exactly the same thing if I'd been in his place, an
d how most people didn't appreciate how tough it is being a teacher. That kind o
f stuff. The old bull.
The funny thing is, though, I was sort of thinking of something else whi
- 457 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:18:30
- "How do you feel about all this, boy? I'd be very interested to know. Ve
"You mean about my flunking out of Pencey and all?" I said. I sort of wi
shed he'd cover up his bumpy chest. It wasn't such a beautiful view.
"If I'm not mistaken, I believe you also had some difficulty at the Whoo
ton School and at Elkton Hills." He didn't say it just sarcastic, but sort of na
"I didn't have too much difficulty at Elkton Hills," I told him. "I didn
't exactly flunk out or anything. I just quit, sort of."
"Why, may I ask?"
- 458 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:18:40
- "Why? Oh, well it's a long story, sir. I mean it's pretty complicated."
I didn't feel like going into the whole thing with him. He wouldn't have underst
ood it anyway. It wasn't up his alley at all. One of the biggest reasons I left
Elkton Hills was because I was surrounded by phonies. That's all. They were comi
ng in the goddam window. For instance, they had this headmaster, Mr. Haas, that
was the phoniest bastard I ever met in my life. Ten times worse than old Thurmer
. On Sundays, for instance, old Haas went around shaking hands with everybody's
parents when they drove up to school. He'd be charming as hell and all. Except i
f some boy had little old funny-looking parents. You should've seen the way he d
id with my roommate's parents. I mean if a boy's mother was sort of fat or corny
- 459 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:18:57
- -looking or something, and if somebody's father was one of those guys that wear
those suits with very big shoulders and corny black-and-white shoes, then old Ha
ns would just shake hands with them and give them a phony smile and then he'd go
talk, for maybe a half an hour, with somebody else's parents. I can't stand tha
t stuff. It drives me crazy. It makes me so depressed I go crazy. I hated that g
oddam Elkton Hills.
Old Spencer asked me something then, but I didn't hear him. I was thinki
ng about old Haas. "What, sir?" I said.
"Do you have any particular qualms about leaving Pencey?"
"Oh, I have a few qualms, all right. Sure. . . but not too many. Not yet
- 460 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:21:18
- , anyway. I guess it hasn't really hit me yet. It takes things a while to hit me
. All I'm doing right now is thinking about going home Wednesday. I'm a moron."
"Do you feel absolutely no concern for your future, boy?"
"Oh, I feel some concern for my future, all right. Sure. Sure, I do." I
thought about it for a minute. "But not too much, I guess. Not too much, I guess
"You will," old Spencer said. "You will, boy. You will when it's too lat
I didn't like hearing him say that. It made me sound dead or something.
It was very depressing. "I guess I will," I said.
- 461 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:22:39
- "I'd like to put some sense in that head of yours, boy. I'm trying to he
lp you. I'm trying to help you, if I can."
He really was, too. You could see that. But it was just that we were too
much on opposite sides ot the pole, that's all. "I know you are, sir," I said.
"Thanks a lot. No kidding. I appreciate it. I really do." I got up from the bed
then. Boy, I couldn't've sat there another ten minutes to save my life. "The thi
ng is, though, I have to get going now. I have quite a bit of equipment at the g
ym I have to get to take home with me. I really do." He looked up at me and star
ted nodding again, with this very serious look on his face. I felt sorry as hell
for him, all of a sudden. But I just couldn't hang around there any longer, the
- 462 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:22:53
- way we were on opposite sides of the pole, and the way he kept missing the bed
whenever he chucked something at it, and his sad old bathrobe with his chest sho
wing, and that grippy smell of Vicks Nose Drops all over the place. "Look, sir.
Don't worry about me," I said. "I mean it. I'll be all right. I'm just going thr
ough a phase right now. Everybody goes through phases and all, don't they?"
"I don't know, boy. I don't know."
I hate it when somebody answers that way. "Sure. Sure, they do," I said.
"I mean it, sir. Please don't worry about me." I sort of put my hand on his sho
ulder. "Okay?" I said.
"Wouldn't you like a cup of hot chocolate before you go? Mrs. Spencer wo
- 463 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:24:35
- I hope to hell not. I'd never yell "Good luck!" at anybody. It sounds te
rrible, when you think about it.
I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm
on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm
going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible. So when I told o
ld Spencer I had to go to the gym and get my equipment and stuff, that was a she
- 464 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:24:47
- er lie. I don't even keep my goddam equipment in the gym.
Where I lived at Pencey, I lived in the Ossenburger Memorial Wing of the
new dorms. It was only for juniors and seniors. I was a junior. My roommate was
a senior. It was named after this guy Ossenburger that went to Pencey. He made
a pot of dough in the undertaking business after he got out of Pencey. What he d
id, he started these undertaking parlors all over the country that you could get
members of your family buried for about five bucks apiece. You should see old O
ssenburger. He probably just shoves them in a sack and dumps them in the river.
Anyway, he gave Pencey a pile of dough, and they named our wing alter him. The f
irst football game of the year, he came up to school in this big goddam Cadillac
- 465 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:25:03
- , and we all had to stand up in the grandstand and give him a locomotive--that's
a cheer. Then, the next morning, in chapel, be made a speech that lasted about
ten hours. He started off with about fifty corny jokes, just to show us what a r
egular guy he was. Very big deal. Then he started telling us how he was never as
hamed, when he was in some kind of trouble or something, to get right down his k
nees and pray to God. He told us we should always pray to God--talk to Him and a
ll--wherever we were. He told us we ought to think of Jesus as our buddy and all
. He said he talked to Jesus all the time. Even when he was driving his car. Tha
t killed me. I just see the big phony bastard shifting into first gear and askin
g Jesus to send him a few more stiffs. The only good part of his speech was righ
- 466 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:25:27
- t in the middle of it. He was telling us all about what a swell guy he was, what
a hot-shot and all, then all of a sudden this guy sitting in the row in front o
f me, Edgar Marsalla, laid this terrific fart. It was a very crude thing to do,
in chapel and all, but it was also quite amusing. Old Marsalla. He damn near ble
w the roof off. Hardly anybody laughed out loud, and old Ossenburger made out li
ke he didn't even hear it, but old Thurmer, the headmaster, was sitting right ne
xt to him on the rostrum and all, and you could tell he heard it. Boy, was he so
re. He didn't say anything then, but the next night he made us have compulsory s
tudy hall in the academic building and he came up and made a speech. He said tha
t the boy that had created the disturbance in chapel wasn't fit to go to Pencey.
- 467 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:25:53
- We tried to get old Marsalla to rip off another one, right while old Thurmer wa
s making his speech, but be wasn't in the right mood. Anyway, that's where I liv
ed at Pencey. Old Ossenburger Memorial Wing, in the new dorms.
It was pretty nice to get back to my room, after I left old Spencer, bec
ause everybody was down at the game, and the heat was on in our room, for a chan
ge. It felt sort of cosy. I took off my coat and my tie and unbuttoned my shirt
collar; and then I put on this hat that I'd bought in New York that morning. It
was this red hunting hat, with one of those very, very long peaks. I saw it in t
he window of this sports store when we got out of the subway, just after I notic
ed I'd lost all the goddam foils. It only cost me a buck. The way I wore it, I s
- 468 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:26:55
- wung the old peak way around to the back--very corny, I'll admit, but I liked it
that way. I looked good in it that way. Then I got this book I was reading and
sat down in my chair. There were two chairs in every room. I had one and my room
mate, Ward Stradlater, had one. The arms were in sad shape, because everybody wa
s always sitting on them, but they were pretty comfortable chairs.
The book I was reading was this book I took out of the library by mistak
e. They gave me the wrong book, and I didn't notice it till I got back to my roo
m. They gave me Out of Africa, by Isak Dinesen. I thought it was going to stink,
but it didn't. It was a very good book. I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot.
My favorite author is my brother D.B., and my next favorite is Ring Lardner. My
- 469 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:27:21
- brother gave me a book by Ring Lardner for my birthday, just before I went to P
encey. It had these very funny, crazy plays in it, and then it had this one stor
y about a traffic cop that falls in love with this very cute girl that's always
speeding. Only, he's married, the cop, so be can't marry her or anything. Then t
his girl gets killed, because she's always speeding. That story just about kille
d me. What I like best is a book that's at least funny once in a while. I read a
lot of classical books, like The Return of the Native and all, and I like them,
and I read a lot of war books and mysteries and all, but they don't knock me ou
t too much. What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done readi
ng it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you
- 470 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:28:22
- the shower curtains. Even without looking up, I knew right away who it was. It w
as Robert Ackley, this guy that roomed right next to me. There was a shower righ
t between every two rooms in our wing, and about eighty-five times a day old Ack
ley barged in on me. He was probably the only guy in the whole dorm, besides me,
that wasn't down at the game. He hardly ever went anywhere. He was a very pecul
iar guy. He was a senior, and he'd been at Pencey the whole four years and all,
but nobody ever called him anything except "Ackley." Not even Herb Gale, his own
roommate, ever called him "Bob" or even "Ack." If he ever gets married, his own
wife'll probably call him "Ackley." He was one of these very, very tall, round-
shouldered guys--he was about six four--with lousy teeth. The whole time he room
- 471 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:28:28
- ed next to me, I never even once saw him brush his teeth. They always looked mos
sy and awful, and he damn near made you sick if you saw him in the dining room w
ith his mouth full of mashed potatoes and peas or something. Besides that, he ha
d a lot of pimples. Not just on his forehead or his chin, like most guys, but al
l over his whole face. And not only that, he had a terrible personality. He was
also sort of a nasty guy. I wasn't too crazy about him, to tell you the truth.
I could feel him standing on the shower ledge, right behind my chair, ta
king a look to see if Stradlater was around. He hated Stradlater's guts and he n
ever came in the room if Stradlater was around. He hated everybody's guts, damn
- 472 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:28:38
- He came down off the shower ledge and came in the room. "Hi," he said. H
e always said it like he was terrifically bored or terrifically tired. He didn't
want you to think he was visiting you or anything. He wanted you to think he'd
come in by mistake, for God's sake.
"Hi," I said, but I didn't look up from my book. With a guy like Ackley,
if you looked up from your book you were a goner. You were a goner anyway, but
not as quick if you didn't look up right away.
He started walking around the room, very slow and all, the way he always
did, picking up your personal stuff off your desk and chiffonier. He always pic
ked up your personal stuff and looked at it. Boy, could he get on your nerves so
- 473 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:28:51
- metimes. "How was the fencing?" he said. He just wanted me to quit reading and e
njoying myself. He didn't give a damn about the fencing. "We win, or what?" he s
"Nobody won," I said. Without looking up, though.
"What?" he said. He always made you say everything twice.
"Nobody won," I said. I sneaked a look to see what he was fiddling aroun
d with on my chiffonier. He was looking at this picture of this girl I used to g
o around with in New York, Sally Hayes. He must've picked up that goddam picture
and looked at it at least five thousand times since I got it. He always put it
back in the wrong place, too, when he was finished. He did it on purpose. You co
- 474 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:29:15
- uld tell.
"Nobody won," he said. "How come?"
"I left the goddam foils and stuff on the subway." I still didn't look u
p at him.
"On the subway, for Chrissake! Ya lost them, ya mean?"
"We got on the wrong subway. I had to keep getting up to look at a godda
m map on the wall."
He came over and stood right in my light. "Hey," I said. "I've read this
same sentence about twenty times since you came in."
Anybody else except Ackley would've taken the goddam hint. Not him, thou
- 475 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:30:06
- gh. "Think they'll make ya pay for em?" he said.
"I don't know, and I don't give a damn. How 'bout sitting down or someth
ing, Ackley kid? You're right in my goddam light." He didn't like it when you ca
lled him "Ackley kid." He was always telling me I was a goddam kid, because I wa
s sixteen and he was eighteen. It drove him mad when I called him "Ackley kid."
He kept standing there. He was exactly the kind of a guy that wouldn't g
et out of your light when you asked him to. He'd do it, finally, but it took him
a lot longer if you asked him to. "What the hellya reading?" he said.
He shoved my book back with his hand so that he could see the name of it
- 476 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:32:37
- . "Any good?" he said.
"This sentence I'm reading is terrific." I can be quite sarcastic when I
'm in the mood. He didn't get It, though. He started walking around the room aga
in, picking up all my personal stuff, and Stradlater's. Finally, I put my book d
own on the floor. You couldn't read anything with a guy like Ackley around. It w
I slid way the hell down in my chair and watched old Ackley making himse
lf at home. I was feeling sort of tired from the trip to New York and all, and I
started yawning. Then I started horsing around a little bit. Sometimes I horse
around quite a lot, just to keep from getting bored. What I did was, I pulled th
- 477 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:32:45
- e old peak of my hunting hat around to the front, then pulled it way down over m
y eyes. That way, I couldn't see a goddam thing. "I think I'm going blind," I sa
id in this very hoarse voice. "Mother darling, everything's getting so dark in h
"You're nuts. I swear to God," Ackley said.
"Mother darling, give me your hand, Why won't you give me your hand?"
"For Chrissake, grow up."
I started groping around in front of me, like a blind guy, but without g
etting up or anything. I kept saying, "Mother darling, why won't you give me you
r hand?" I was only horsing around, naturally. That stuff gives me a bang someti
- 478 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:33:06
- mes. Besides, I know it annoyed hell out of old Ackley. He always brought out th
e old sadist in me. I was pretty sadistic with him quite often. Finally, I quit,
though. I pulled the peak around to the back again, and relaxed.
"Who belongsa this?" Ackley said. He was holding my roommate's knee supp
orter up to show me. That guy Ackley'd pick up anything. He'd even pick up your
jock strap or something. I told him it was Stradlater's. So he chucked it on Str
adlater's bed. He got it off Stradlater's chiffonier, so he chucked it on the be
He came over and sat down on the arm of Stradlater's chair. He never sat
down in a chair. Just always on the arm. "Where the hellja get that hat?" he sa
- 479 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/23(金) 18:33:34
- "The great Stradlater," Ackley said. "--Hey. Lend me your scissors a sec
ond, willya? Ya got 'em handy?"
"No. I packed them already. They're way in the top of the closet."
"Get 'em a second, willya?" Ackley said, "I got this hangnail I want to
He didn't care if you'd packed something or not and had it way in the to
p of the closet. I got them for him though. I nearly got killed doing it, too. T
he second I opened the closet door, Stradlater's tennis racket--in its wooden pr
ess and all--fell right on my head. It made a big clunk, and it hurt like hell.
It damn near killed old Ackley, though. He started laughing in this very high fa
- 480 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:49:36
- hooting hat."
"Like hell it is." I took it off and looked at it. I sort of closed one
eye, like I was taking aim at it. "This is a people shooting hat," I said. "I sh
oot people in this hat."
"Your folks know you got kicked out yet?"
"Where the hell's Stradlater at, anyway?"
"Down at the game. He's got a date." I yawned. I was yawning all over th
e place. For one thing, the room was too damn hot. It made you sleepy. At Pencey
, you either froze to death or died of the heat.
- 481 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:49:46
- "The great Stradlater," Ackley said. "--Hey. Lend me your scissors a sec
ond, willya? Ya got 'em handy?"
"No. I packed them already. They're way in the top of the closet."
"Get 'em a second, willya?" Ackley said, "I got this hangnail I want to
He didn't care if you'd packed something or not and had it way in the to
p of the closet. I got them for him though. I nearly got killed doing it, too. T
he second I opened the closet door, Stradlater's tennis racket--in its wooden pr
ess and all--fell right on my head. It made a big clunk, and it hurt like hell.
It damn near killed old Ackley, though. He started laughing in this very high fa
- 482 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:49:58
- lsetto voice. He kept laughing the whole time I was taking down my suitcase and
getting the scissors out for him. Something like that--a guy getting hit on the
head with a rock or something--tickled the pants off Ackley. "You have a damn go
od sense of humor, Ackley kid," I told him. "You know that?" I handed him the sc
issors. "Lemme be your manager. I'll get you on the goddam radio." I sat down in
my chair again, and he started cutting his big horny-looking nails. "How 'bout
using the table or something?" I said. "Cut 'em over the table, willya? I don't
feel like walking on your crumby nails in my bare feet tonight." He kept right o
n cutting them over the floor, though. What lousy manners. I mean it.
"Who's Stradlater's date?" he said. He was always keeping tabs on who St
- 483 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:50:07
- radlater was dating, even though he hated Stradlater's guts.
"I don't know. Why?"
"No reason. Boy, I can't stand that sonuvabitch. He's one sonuvabitch I
really can't stand."
"He's crazy about you. He told me he thinks you're a goddam prince," I s
aid. I call people a "prince" quite often when I'm horsing around. It keeps me f
rom getting bored or something.
"He's got this superior attitude all the time," Ackley said. "I just can
't stand the sonuvabitch. You'd think he--"
"Do you mind cutting your nails over the table, hey?" I said. "I've aske
- 484 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:50:47
- e didn't mean to insult you, for cryin' out loud. He didn't say it right or anyt
hing, but he didn't mean anything insulting. All he meant was you'd look better
and feel better if you sort of brushed your teeth once in a while."
"I brush my teeth. Don't gimme that."
"No, you don't. I've seen you, and you don't," I said. I didn't say it n
asty, though. I felt sort of sorry for him, in a way. I mean it isn't too nice,
naturally, if somebody tells you you don't brush your teeth. "Stradlater's all r
ight He's not too bad," I said. "You don't know him, thats the trouble."
"I still say he's a sonuvabitch. He's a conceited sonuvabitch."
"He's conceited, but he's very generous in some things. He really is," I
- 485 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:50:57
- said. "Look. Suppose, for instance, Stradlater was wearing a tie or something t
hat you liked. Say he had a tie on that you liked a helluva lot--I'm just giving
you an example, now. You know what he'd do? He'd probably take it off and give
it ta you. He really would. Or--you know what he'd do? He'd leave it on your bed
or something. But he'd give you the goddam tie. Most guys would probably just--
"Hell," Ackley said. "If I had his dough, I would, too."
"No, you wouldn't." I shook my head. "No, you wouldn't, Ackley kid. If y
ou had his dough, you'd be one of the biggest--"
"Stop calling me 'Ackley kid,' God damn it. I'm old enough to be your lo
- 486 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:51:16
- usy father."
"No, you're not." Boy, he could really be aggravating sometimes. He neve
r missed a chance to let you know you were sixteen and he was eighteen. "In the
first place, I wouldn't let you in my goddam family," I said.
"Well, just cut out calling me--"
All of a sudden the door opened, and old Stradlater barged in, in a big
hurry. He was always in a big hurry. Everything was a very big deal. He came ove
r to me and gave me these two playful as hell slaps on both cheeks--which is som
ething that can be very annoying. 'Listen," he said. "You going out anywheres sp
- 487 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:51:40
- "I don't know. I might. What the hell's it doing out--snowing?" He had s
now all over his coat.
"Yeah. Listen. If you're not going out anyplace special, how 'bout lendi
ng me your hound's-tooth jacket?"
"Who won the game?" I said.
"It's only the half. We're leaving," Stradlater said. "No kidding, you g
onna use your hound's-tooth tonight or not? I spilled some crap all over my gray
"No, but I don't want you stretching it with your goddam shoulders and a
ll," I said. We were practically the same heighth, but he weighed about twice as
- 488 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:52:17
- much as I did. He had these very broad shoulders.
"I won't stretch it." He went over to the closet in a big hurry. "How'sa
boy, Ackley?" he said to Ackley. He was at least a pretty friendly guy, Stradla
ter. It was partly a phony kind of friendly, but at least he always said hello t
o Ackley and all.
Ackley just sort of grunted when he said "How'sa boy?" He wouldn't answe
r him, but he didn't have guts enough not to at least grunt. Then he said to me,
"I think I'll get going. See ya later."
"Okay," I said. He never exactly broke your heart when he went back to h
is own room.
- 489 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:52:56
- Old Stradlater started taking off his coat and tie and all. "I think may
be I'll take a fast shave," he said. He had a pretty heavy beard. He really did.
"Where's your date?" I asked him.
"She's waiting in the Annex." He went out of the room with his toilet ki
t and towel under his arm. No shirt on or anything. He always walked around in h
is bare torso because he thought he had a damn good build. He did, too. I have t
o admit it.
- 490 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:53:16
I didn't have anything special to do, so I went down to the can and chew
ed the rag with him while he was shaving. We were the only ones in the can, beca
use everybody was still down at the game. It was hot as hell and the windows wer
e all steamy. There were about ten washbowls, all right against the wall. Stradl
ater had the middle one. I sat down on the one right next to him and started tur
ning the cold water on and off--this nervous habit I have. Stradlater kept whist
ling 'Song of India" while he shaved. He had one of those very piercing whistles
that are practically never in tune, and he always picked out some song that's h
ard to whistle even if you're a good whistler, like "Song of India" or "Slaughte
- 491 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:54:08
- r on Tenth Avenue." He could really mess a song up.
You remember I said before that Ackley was a slob in his personal habits
? Well, so was Stradlater, but in a different way. Stradlater was more of a secr
et slob. He always looked all right, Stradlater, but for instance, you should've
seen the razor he shaved himself with. It was always rusty as hell and full of
lather and hairs and crap. He never cleaned it or anything. He always looked goo
d when he was finished fixing himself up, but he was a secret slob anyway, if yo
u knew him the way I did. The reason he fixed himself up to look good was becaus
e he was madly in love with himself. He thought he was the handsomest guy in the
Western Hemisphere. He was pretty handsome, too--I'll admit it. But he was most
- 492 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:54:20
- ly the kind of a handsome guy that if your parents saw his picture in your Year
Book, they'd right away say, "Who's this boy?" I mean he was mostly a Year Book
kind of handsome guy. I knew a lot of guys at Pencey I thought were a lot handso
mer than Stradlater, but they wouldn't look handsome if you saw their pictures i
n the Year Book. They'd look like they had big noses or their ears stuck out. I'
ve had that experience frequently.
Anyway, I was sitting on the washbowl next to where Stradlater was shavi
ng, sort of turning the water on and off. I still had my red hunting hat on, wit
h the peak around to the back and all. I really got a bang out of that hat.
"Hey," Stradlater said. "Wanna do me a big favor?"
- 493 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:54:27
- "What?" I said. Not too enthusiastic. He was always asking you to do him
a big favor. You take a very handsome guy, or a guy that thinks he's a real hot
-shot, and they're always asking you to do them a big favor. Just because they'r
e crazy about themseif, they think you're crazy about them, too, and that you're
just dying to do them a favor. It's sort of funny, in a way.
"You goin' out tonight?" he said.
"I might. I might not. I don't know. Why?"
"I got about a hundred pages to read for history for Monday," he said. "
How 'bout writing a composition for me, for English? I'll be up the creek if I d
on't get the goddam thing in by Monday, the reason I ask. How 'bout it?"
- 494 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:55:21
- It was very ironical. It really was.
"I'm the one that's flunking out of the goddam place, and you're asking
me to write you a goddam composition," I said.
"Yeah, I know. The thing is, though, I'll be up the creek if I don't get
it in. Be a buddy. Be a buddyroo. Okay?"
I didn't answer him right away. Suspense is good for some bastards like
"What on?" I said.
"Anything. Anything descriptive. A room. Or a house. Or something you on
ce lived in or something-- you know. Just as long as it's descriptive as hell."
- 495 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:55:28
- He gave out a big yawn while he said that. Which is something that gives me a ro
yal pain in the ass. I mean if somebody yawns right while they're asking you to
do them a goddam favor. "Just don't do it too good, is all," he said. "That sonu
vabitch Hartzell thinks you're a hot-shot in English, and he knows you're my roo
mmate. So I mean don't stick all the commas and stuff in the right place."
That's something else that gives me a royal pain. I mean if you're good
at writing compositions and somebody starts talking about commas. Stradlater was
always doing that. He wanted you to think that the only reason he was lousy at
writing compositions was because he stuck all the commas in the wrong place. He
was a little bit like Ackley, that way. I once sat next to Ackley at this basket
- 496 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:55:52
- ball game. We had a terrific guy on the team, Howie Coyle, that could sink them
from the middle of the floor, without even touching the backboard or anything. A
ckley kept saying, the whole goddam game, that Coyle had a perfect build for bas
ketball. God, how I hate that stuff.
I got bored sitting on that washbowl after a while, so I backed up a few
feet and started doing this tap dance, just for the hell of it. I was just amus
ing myself. I can't really tap-dance or anything, but it was a stone floor in th
e can, and it was good for tap-dancing. I started imitating one of those guys in
the movies. In one of those musicals. I hate the movies like poison, but I get
a bang imitating them. Old Stradlater watched me in the mirror while he was shav
- 497 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:56:23
- ing. All I need's an audience. I'm an exhibitionist. "I'm the goddarn Governor's
son," I said. I was knocking myself out. Tap-dancing all over the place. "He do
esn't want me to be a tap dancer. He wants me to go to Oxford. But it's in my go
ddam blood, tap-dancing." Old Stradlater laughed. He didn't have too bad a sense
of humor. "It's the opening night of the Ziegfeld Follies." I was getting out o
f breath. I have hardly any wind at all. "The leading man can't go on. He's drun
k as a bastard. So who do they get to take his place? Me, that's who. The little
ole goddam Governor's son."
"Where'dja get that hat?" Stradlater said. He meant my hunting hat. He'd
never seen it before.
- 498 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:56:32
- I was out of breath anyway, so I quit horsing around. I took off my hat
and looked at it for about the ninetieth time. "I got it in New York this mornin
g. For a buck. Ya like it?"
Stradlater nodded. "Sharp," he said. He was only flattering me, though,
because right away he said, "Listen. Are ya gonna write that composition for me?
I have to know."
"If I get the time, I will. If I don't, I won't," I said. I went over an
d sat down at the washbowl next to him again. "Who's your date?" I asked him. "F
"Hell, no! I told ya. I'm through with that pig."
- 499 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:56:55
- "Yeah? Give her to me, boy. No kidding. She's my type."
"Take her . . . She's too old for you."
All of a sudden--for no good reason, really, except that I was sort of i
n the mood for horsing around--I felt like jumping off the washbowl and getting
old Stradlater in a half nelson. That's a wrestling hold, in case you don't know
, where you get the other guy around the neck and choke him to death, if you fee
l like it. So I did it. I landed on him like a goddam panther.
"Cut it out, Holden, for Chrissake!" Stradlater said. He didn't feel lik
e horsing around. He was shaving and all. "Wuddaya wanna make me do--cut my godd
am head off?"
- 500 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:57:05
- I didn't let go, though. I had a pretty good half nelson on him. "Libera
te yourself from my viselike grip." I said.
"Je-sus Christ." He put down his razor, and all of a sudden jerked his a
rms up and sort of broke my hold on him. He was a very strong guy. I'm a very we
ak guy. "Now, cut out the crap," he said. He started shaving himself all over ag
ain. He always shaved himself twice, to look gorgeous. With his crumby old razor
"Who is your date if it isn't Fitzgerald?" I asked him. I sat down on th
e washbowl next to him again. "That Phyllis Smith babe?"
"No. It was supposed to he, but the arrangements got all screwed up. I g
- 501 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:57:13
- ot Bud Thaw's girl's roommate now . . . Hey. I almost forgot. She knows you."
"Who does?" I said.
"Yeah?" I said. "What's her name?" I was pretty interested.
"I'm thinking . . . Uh. Jean Gallagher."
Boy, I nearly dropped dead when he said that.
"Jane Gallagher," I said. I even got up from the washbowl when he said t
hat. I damn near dropped dead. "You're damn right I know her. She practically li
ved right next door to me, the summer before last. She had this big damn Doberma
n pinscher. That's how I met her. Her dog used to keep coming over in our--"
- 502 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:57:33
- "You're right in my light, Holden, for Chrissake," Stradlater said. "Ya
have to stand right there?"
Boy, was I excited, though. I really was.
"Where is she?" I asked him. "I oughta go down and say hello to her or s
omething. Where is she? In the Annex?"
"How'd she happen to mention me? Does she go to B.M. now? She said she m
ight go there. She said she might go to Shipley, too. I thought she went to Ship
ley. How'd she happen to mention me?" I was pretty excited. I really was.
"I don't know, for Chrissake. Lift up, willya? You're on my towel," Stra
- 503 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:57:42
- dlater said. I was sitting on his stupid towel.
"Jane Gallagher," I said. I couldn't get over it. "Jesus H. Christ."
Old Stradlater was putting Vitalis on his hair. My Vitalis.
"She's a dancer," I said. "Ballet and all. She used to practice about tw
o hours every day, right in the middle of the hottest weather and all. She was w
orried that it might make her legs lousy--all thick and all. I used to play chec
kers with her all the time."
"You used to play what with her all the time?"
"Checkers, for Chrissake!"
- 504 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:58:12
- "Yeah. She wouldn't move any of her kings. What she'd do, when she'd get
a king, she wouldn't move it. She'd just leave it in the back row. She'd get th
em all lined up in the back row. Then she'd never use them. She just liked the w
ay they looked when they were all in the back row."
Stradlater didn't say anything. That kind of stuff doesn't interest most
"Her mother belonged to the same club we did," I said. "I used to caddy
once in a while, just to make some dough. I caddy'd for her mother a couple of t
imes. She went around in about a hundred and seventy, for nine holes."
Stradlater wasn't hardly listening. He was combing his gorgeous locks.
- 505 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:58:28
- "I oughta go down and at least say hello to her," I said.
"I will, in a minute."
He started parting his hair all over again. It took him about an hour to
comb his hair.
"Her mother and father were divorced. Her mother was married again to so
me booze hound," I said. "Skinny guy with hairy legs. I remember him. He wore sh
orts all the time. Jane said he was supposed to be a playwright or some goddam t
hing, but all I ever saw him do was booze all the time and listen to every singl
e goddam mystery program on the radio. And run around the goddam house, naked. W
- 506 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 09:58:48
- ith Jane around, and all."
"Yeah?" Stradlater said. That really interested him. About the booze hou
nd running around the house naked, with Jane around. Stradlater was a very sexy
"She had a lousy childhood. I'm not kidding."
That didn't interest Stradlater, though. Only very sexy stuff interested
"Jane Gallagher. Jesus . . . I couldn't get her off my mind. I really co
uldn't. "I oughta go down and say hello to her, at least."
"Why the hell don'tcha, instead of keep saying it?" Stradlater said.
- 507 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:08:49
- I walked over to the window, but you couldn't see out of it, it was so s
teamy from all the heat in the can.. "I'm not in the mood right now," I said. I
wasn't, either. You have to be in the mood for those things. "I thought she went
to Shipley. I could've sworn she went to Shipley." I walked around the can for
a little while. I didn't have anything else to do. "Did she enjoy the game?" I s
"Yeah, I guess so. I don't know."
"Did she tell you we used to play checkers all the time, or anything?"
"I don't know. For Chrissake, I only just met her," Stradlater said. He
was finished combing his goddam gorgeous hair. He was putting away all his crumb
- 508 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:09:30
- y toilet articles.
"Listen. Give her my regards, willya?"
"Okay," Stradlater said, but I knew he probably wouldn't. You take a guy
like Stradlater, they never give your regards to people.
He went back to the room, but I stuck around in the can for a while, thi
nking about old Jane. Then I went back to the room, too.
Stradlater was putting on his tie, in front of the mirror, when I got th
ere. He spent around half his goddam life in front of the mirror. I sat down in
my chair and sort of watched him for a while.
"Hey," I said. "Don't tell her I got kicked out, willya?"
- 509 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:09:42
That was one good thing about Stradlater. You didn't have to explain eve
ry goddam little thing with him, the way you had to do with Ackley. Mostly, I gu
ess, because he wasn't too interested. That's really why. Ackley, it was differe
nt. Ackley was a very nosy bastard.
He put on my hound's-tooth jacket.
"Jesus, now, try not to stretch it all over the place" I said. I'd only
worn it about twice.
"I won't. Where the hell's my cigarettes?"
"On the desk." He never knew where he left anything. "Under your muffler
- 510 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:10:51
- ." He put them in his coat pocket--my coat pocket.
I pulled the peak of my hunting hat around to the front all of a sudden,
for a change. I was getting sort of nervous, all of a sudden. I'm quite a nervo
us guy. "Listen, where ya going on your date with her?" I asked him. "Ya know ye
"I don't know. New York, if we have time. She only signed out for nine-t
hirty, for Chrissake."
I didn't like the way he said it, so I said, "The reason she did that, s
he probably just didn't know what a handsome, charming bastard you are. If she'd
known, she probably would've signed out for nine-thirty in the morning."
- 511 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:11:05
- "Goddam right," Stradlater said. You couldn't rile him too easily. He wa
s too conceited. "No kidding, now. Do that composition for me," he said. He had
his coat on, and he was all ready to go. "Don't knock yourself out or anything,
but just make it descriptive as hell. Okay?"
I didn't answer him. I didn't feel like it. All I said was, "Ask her if
she still keeps all her kings in the back row."
"Okay," Stradlater said, but I knew he wouldn't. "Take it easy, now." He
banged the hell out of the room.
I sat there for about a half hour after he left. I mean I just sat in my
chair, not doing anything. I kept thinking about Jane, and about Stradlater hav
- 512 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:11:20
- ing a date with her and all. It made me so nervous I nearly went crazy. I alread
y told you what a sexy bastard Stradlater was.
All of a sudden, Ackley barged back in again, through the damn shower cu
rtains, as usual. For once in my stupid life, I was really glad to see him. He t
ook my mind off the other stuff.
He stuck around till around dinnertime, talking about all the guys at Pe
ncey that he hated their guts, and squeezing this big pimple on his chin. He did
n't even use his handkerchief. I don't even think the bastard had a handkerchief
, if you want to know the truth. I never saw him use one, anyway.
- 513 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:12:21
We always had the same meal on Saturday nights at Pencey. It was suppose
d to be a big deal, because they gave you steak. I'll bet a thousand bucks the r
eason they did that was because a lot of guys' parents came up to school on Sund
ay, and old Thurmer probably figured everybody's mother would ask their darling
boy what he had for dinner last night, and he'd say, "Steak." What a racket. You
should've seen the steaks. They were these little hard, dry jobs that you could
hardly even cut. You always got these very lumpy mashed potatoes on steak night
- 514 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:12:42
- , and for dessert you got Brown Betty, which nobody ate, except maybe the little
kids in the lower school that didn't know any better--and guys like Ackley that
It was nice, though, when we got out of the dining room. There were abou
t three inches of snow on the ground, and it was still coming down like a madman
. It looked pretty as hell, and we all started throwing snowballs and horsing ar
ound all over the place. It was very childish, but everybody was really enjoying
I didn't have a date or anything, so I and this friend of mine, Mal Bros
sard, that was on the wrestling team, decided we'd take a bus into Agerstown and
- 515 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:13:12
- ledge and asked who was going besides me. He always had to know who was going.
I swear, if that guy was shipwrecked somewhere, and you rescued him in a goddam
boat, he'd want to know who the guy was that was rowing it before he'd even get
in. I told him Mal Brossard was going. He said, "That bastard . . . All right. W
ait a second." You'd think he was doing you a big favor.
It took him about five hours to get ready. While he was doing it, I went
over to my window and opened it and packed a snowball with my bare hands. The s
now was very good for packing. I didn't throw it at anything, though. I started
to throw it. At a car that was parked across the street. But I changed my mind.
The car looked so nice and white. Then I started to throw it at a hydrant, but t
- 516 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:13:27
- hat looked too nice and white, too. Finally I didn't throw it at anything. All I
did was close the window and walk around the room with the snowball, packing it
harder. A little while later, I still had it with me when I and Brossnad and Ac
kley got on the bus. The bus driver opened the doors and made me throw it out. I
told him I wasn't going to chuck it at anybody, but he wouldn't believe me. Peo
ple never believe you.
Brossard and Ackley both had seen the picture that was playing, so all w
e did, we just had a couple of hamburgers and played the pinball machine for a l
ittle while, then took the bus back to Pencey. I didn't care about not seeing th
e movie, anyway. It was supposed to be a comedy, with Cary Grant in it, and all
- 517 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:13:52
- that crap. Besides, I'd been to the movies with Brossard and Ackley before. They
both laughed like hyenas at stuff that wasn't even funny. I didn't even enjoy s
itting next to them in the movies.
It was only about a quarter to nine when we got back to the dorm. Old Br
ossard was a bridge fiend, and he started looking around the dorm for a game. Ol
d Ackley parked himself in my room, just for a change. Only, instead of sitting
on the arm of Stradlater's chair, he laid down on my bed, with his face right on
my pillow and all. He started talking in this very monotonous voice, and pickin
g at all his pimples. I dropped about a thousand hints, but I couldn't get rid o
f him. All he did was keep talking in this very monotonous voice about some babe
- 518 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:14:11
- he was supposed to have had sexual intercourse with the summer before. He'd alr
eady told me about it about a hundred times. Every time he told it, it was diffe
rent. One minute he'd be giving it to her in his cousin's Buick, the next minute
he'd be giving it to her under some boardwalk. It was all a lot of crap, natura
lly. He was a virgin if ever I saw one. I doubt if he ever even gave anybody a f
eel. Anyway, finally I had to come right out and tell him that I had to write a
composition for Stradlater, and that he had to clear the hell out, so I could co
ncentrate. He finally did, but he took his time about it, as usual. After he lef
t, I put on my pajamas and bathrobe and my old hunting hat, and started writing
- 519 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:14:19
- The thing was, I couldn't think of a room or a house or anything to desc
ribe the way Stradlater said he had to have. I'm not too crazy about describing
rooms and houses anyway. So what I did, I wrote about my brother Allie's basebal
l mitt. It was a very descriptive subject. It really was. My brother Allie had t
his left-handed fielder's mitt. He was left-handed. The thing that was descripti
ve about it, though, was that he had poems written all over the fingers and the
pocket and everywhere. In green ink. He wrote them on it so that he'd have somet
hing to read when he was in the field and nobody was up at bat. He's dead now. H
e got leukemia and died when we were up in Maine, on July 18, 1946. You'd have l
iked him. He was two years younger than I was, but he was about fifty times as i
- 520 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:14:32
- ntelligent. He was terrifically intelligent. His teachers were always writing le
tters to my mother, telling her what a pleasure it was having a boy like Allie i
n their class. And they weren't just shooting the crap. They really meant it. Bu
t it wasn't just that he was the most intelligent member in the family. He was a
lso the nicest, in lots of ways. He never got mad at anybody. People with red ha
ir are supposed to get mad very easily, but Allie never did, and he had very red
hair. I'll tell you what kind of red hair he had. I started playing golf when I
was only ten years old. I remember once, the summer I was around twelve, teeing
off and all, and having a hunch that if I turned around all of a sudden, I'd se
e Allie. So I did, and sure enough, he was sitting on his bike outside the fence
- 521 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:14:52
- --there was this fence that went all around the course--and he was sitting there
, about a hundred and fifty yards behind me, watching me tee off. That's the kin
d of red hair he had. God, he was a nice kid, though. He used to laugh so hard a
t something he thought of at the dinner table that he just about fell off his ch
air. I was only thirteen, and they were going to have me psychoanalyzed and all,
because I broke all the windows in the garage. I don't blame them. I really don
't. I slept in the garage the night he died, and I broke all the goddam windows
with my fist, just for the hell of it. I even tried to break all the windows on
the station wagon we had that summer, but my hand was already broken and everyth
ing by that time, and I couldn't do it. It was a very stupid thing to do, I'll a
- 522 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:15:52
- dmit, but I hardly didn't even know I was doing it, and you didn't know Allie. M
y hand still hurts me once in a while when it rains and all, and I can't make a
real fist any more--not a tight one, I mean--but outside of that I don't care mu
ch. I mean I'm not going to be a goddam surgeon or a violinist or anything anywa
Anyway, that's what I wrote Stradlater's composition about. Old Allie's
baseball mitt. I happened to have it with me, in my suitcase, so I got it out an
d copied down the poems that were written on it. All I had to do was change Alli
e's name so that nobody would know it was my brother and not Stradlater's. I was
n't too crazy about doing it, but I couldn't think of anything else descriptive.
- 523 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:17:35
- Besides, I sort of liked writing about it. It took me about an hour, because I
had to use Stradlater's lousy typewriter, and it kept jamming on me. The reason
I didn't use my own was because I'd lent it to a guy down the hall.
It was around ten-thirty, I guess, when I finished it. I wasn't tired, t
hough, so I looked out the window for a while. It wasn't snowing out any more, b
ut every once in a while you could hear a car somewhere not being able to get st
arted. You could also hear old Ackley snoring. Right through the goddam shower c
urtains you could hear him. He had sinus trouble and he couldn't breathe too hot
when he was asleep. That guy had just about everything. Sinus trouble, pimples,
lousy teeth, halitosis, crumby fingernails. You had to feel a little sorry for
- 524 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:17:53
- the crazy sonuvabitch.
Some things are hard to remember. I'm thinking now of when Stradlater go
t back from his date with Jane. I mean I can't remember exactly what I was doing
when I heard his goddam stupid footsteps coming down the corridor. I probably w
as still looking out the window, but I swear I can't remember. I was so damn wor
ried, that's why. When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around.
- 525 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:18:18
- I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't g
o. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go. If you kn
ew Stradlater, you'd have been worried, too. I'd double-dated with that bastard
a couple of times, and I know what I'm talking about. He was unscrupulous. He re
Anyway, the corridor was all linoleum and all, and you could hear his go
ddam footsteps coming right towards the room. I don't even remember where I was
sitting when he came in--at the window, or in my chair or his. I swear I can't r
He came in griping about how cold it was out. Then he said, "Where the h
- 526 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:18:33
- ell is everybody? It's like a goddam morgue around here." I didn't even bother t
o answer him. If he was so goddam stupid not to realize it was Saturday night an
d everybody was out or asleep or home for the week end, I wasn't going to break
my neck telling him. He started getting undressed. He didn't say one goddam word
about Jane. Not one. Neither did I. I just watched him. All he did was thank me
for letting him wear my hound's-tooth. He hung it up on a hanger and put it in
Then when he was taking off his tie, he asked me if I'd written his godd
am composition for him. I told him it was over on his goddam bed. He walked over
and read it while he was unbuttoning his shirt. He stood there, reading it, and
- 527 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:19:27
- sort of stroking his bare chest and stomach, with this very stupid expression o
n his face. He was always stroking his stomach or his chest. He was mad about hi
All of a sudden, he said, "For Chrissake, Holden. This is about a goddam
"So what?" I said. Cold as hell.
"Wuddaya mean so what? I told ya it had to be about a goddam room or a h
ouse or something."
"You said it had to be descriptive. What the hell's the difference if it
's about a baseball glove?"
- 528 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:19:41
- "God damn it." He was sore as hell. He was really furious. "You always d
o everything backasswards." He looked at me. "No wonder you're flunking the hell
out of here," he said. "You don't do one damn thing the way you're supposed to.
I mean it. Not one damn thing."
"All right, give it back to me, then," I said. I went over and pulled it
right out of his goddam hand. Then I tore it up.
"What the hellja do that for?" he said.
I didn't even answer him. I just threw the pieces in the wastebasket. Th
en I lay down on my bed, and we both didn't say anything for a long time. He got
all undressed, down to his shorts, and I lay on my bed and lit a cigarette. You
- 529 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:20:29
- weren't allowed to smoke in the dorm, but you could do it late at night when ev
erybody was asleep or out and nobody could smell the smoke. Besides, I did it to
annoy Stradlater. It drove him crazy when you broke any rules. He never smoked
in the dorm. It was only me.
He still didn't say one single solitary word about Jane. So finally I sa
id, "You're back pretty goddam late if she only signed out for nine-thirty. Did
you make her be late signing in?"
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, cutting his goddam toenails, when
I asked him that. "Coupla minutes," he said. "Who the hell signs out for nine-t
hirty on a Saturday night?" God, how I hated him.
- 530 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:22:19
- "Did you go to New York?" I said.
"Ya crazy? How the hell could we go to New York if she only signed out f
He looked up at me. "Listen," he said, "if you're gonna smoke in the roo
m, how 'bout going down to the can and do it? You may be getting the hell out of
here, but I have to stick around long enough to graduate."
I ignored him. I really did. I went right on smoking like a madman. All
I did was sort of turn over on my side and watched him cut his damn toenails. Wh
at a school. You were always watching somebody cut their damn toenails or squeez
- 531 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:24:28
- e their pimples or something.
"Did you give her my regards?" I asked him.
The hell he did, the bastard.
"What'd she say?" I said. "Did you ask her if she still keeps all her ki
ngs in the back row?"
"No, I didn't ask her. What the hell ya think we did all night--play che
ckers, for Chrissake?"
I didn't even answer him. God, how I hated him.
"If you didn't go to New York, where'd ya go with her?" I asked him, aft
- 532 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:27:48
- er a little while. I could hardly keep my voice from shaking all over the place.
Boy, was I getting nervous. I just had a feeling something had gone funny.
He was finished cutting his damn toenails. So he got up from the bed, in
just his damn shorts and all, and started getting very damn playful. He came ov
er to my bed and started leaning over me and taking these playful as hell socks
at my shoulder. "Cut it out," I said. "Where'd you go with her if you didn't go
to New York?"
"Nowhere. We just sat in the goddam car." He gave me another one of thos
e playtul stupid little socks on the shoulder.
"Cut it out," I said. "Whose car?"
- 533 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:28:25
- "Ed Banky's."
Ed Banky was the basketball coach at Pencey. Old Stradlater was one of h
is pets, because he was the center on the team, and Ed Banky always let him borr
ow his car when he wanted it. It wasn't allowed for students to borrow faculty g
uys' cars, but all the athletic bastards stuck together. In every school I've go
ne to, all the athletic bastards stick together.
Stradlater kept taking these shadow punches down at my shoulder. He had
his toothbrush in his hand, and he put it in his mouth. "What'd you do?" I said.
"Give her the time in Ed Banky's goddam car?" My voice was shaking something aw
- 534 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:28:52
- "What a thing to say. Want me to wash your mouth out with soap?"
"That's a professional secret, buddy."
This next part I don't remember so hot. All I know is I got up from the
bed, like I was going down to the can or something, and then I tried to sock him
, with all my might, right smack in the toothbrush, so it would split his goddam
throat open. Only, I missed. I didn't connect. All I did was sort of get him on
the side of the head or something. It probably hurt him a little bit, but not a
s much as I wanted. It probably would've hurt him a lot, but I did it with my ri
ght hand, and I can't make a good fist with that hand. On account of that injury
- 535 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:29:12
- I told you about.
Anyway, the next thing I knew, I was on the goddam floor and he was sitt
ing on my chest, with his face all red. That is, he had his goddam knees on my c
hest, and he weighed about a ton. He had hold of my wrists, too, so I couldn't t
ake another sock at him. I'd've killed him.
"What the hell's the matter with you?" he kept saying, and his stupid ra
ce kept getting redder and redder.
"Get your lousy knees off my chest," I told him. I was almost bawling. I
really was. "Go on, get off a me, ya crumby bastard."
He wouldn't do it, though. He kept holding onto my wrists and I kept cal
- 536 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:29:24
- ling him a sonuvabitch and all, for around ten hours. I can hardly even remember
what all I said to him. I told him he thought he could give the time to anybody
he felt like. I told him he didn't even care if a girl kept all her kings in th
e back row or not, and the reason he didn't care was because he was a goddam stu
pid moron. He hated it when you called a moron. All morons hate it when you call
them a moron.
"Shut up, now, Holden," he said with his big stupid red face. "just shut
"You don't even know if her first name is Jane or Jean, ya goddam moron!
- 537 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:30:49
- ing practically right on top of me. He had his goddam toilet kit under his arm.
"Why the hell don'tcha shut up when I tellya to?" he said. He sounded pretty ner
vous. He probably was scared he'd fractured my skull or something when I hit the
floor. It's too bad I didn't. "You asked for it, God damn it," he said. Boy, di
d he look worried.
I didn't even bother to get up. I just lay there in the floor for a whil
e, and kept calling him a moron sonuvabitch. I was so mad, I was practically baw
"Listen. Go wash your face," Stradlater said. "Ya hear me?"
I told him to go wash his own moron face--which was a pretty childish th
- 538 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:31:09
- ing to say, but I was mad as hell. I told him to stop off on the way to the can
and give Mrs. Schmidt the time. Mrs. Schmidt was the janitor's wife. She was aro
I kept sitting there on the floor till I heard old Stradlater close the
door and go down the corridor to the can. Then I got up. I couldn't find my godd
am hunting hat anywhere. Finally I found it. It was under the bed. I put it on,
and turned the old peak around to the back, the way I liked it, and then I went
over and took a look at my stupid face in the mirror. You never saw such gore in
your life. I had blood all over my mouth and chin and even on my pajamas and ba
th robe. It partly scared me and it partly fascinated me. All that blood and all
- 539 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:32:27
- sort of made me look tough. I'd only been in about two fights in my life, and I
lost both of them. I'm not too tough. I'm a pacifist, if you want to know the t
I had a feeling old Ackley'd probably heard all the racket and was awake
. So I went through the shower curtains into his room, just to see what the hell
he was doing. I hardly ever went over to his room. It always had a funny stink
in it, because he was so crumby in his personal habits.
- 540 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:33:08
A tiny bit of light came through the shower curtains and all from our ro
om, and I could see him lying in bed. I knew damn well he was wide awake. "Ackle
y?" I said. "Y'awake?"
It was pretty dark, and I stepped on somebody's shoe on the floor and da
nm near fell on my head. Ackley sort of sat up in bed and leaned on his arm. He
had a lot of white stuff on his face, for his pimples. He looked sort of spooky
in the dark. "What the hellya doing, anyway?" I said.
"Wuddaya mean what the hell am I doing? I was tryna sleep before you guy
- 541 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:33:54
- s started making all that noise. What the hell was the fight about, anyhow?"
"Where's the light?" I couldn't find the light. I was sliding my hand al
l over the wall.
"Wuddaya want the light for? . . . Right next to your hand."
I finally found the switch and turned It on. Old Ackley put his hand up
so the light wouldn't hurt his eyes.
"Jesus!" he said. "What the hell happened to you?" He meant all the bloo
d and all.
"I had a little goddam tiff with Stradlater," I said. Then I sat down on
the floor. They never had any chairs in their room. I don't know what the hell
- 542 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:34:50
- they did with their chairs. "Listen," I said, "do you feel like playing a little
Canasta?" He was a Canasta fiend.
"You're still bleeding, for Chrissake. You better put something on it."
"It'll stop. Listen. Ya wanna play a little Canasta or don'tcha?"
"Canasta, for Chrissake. Do you know what time it is, by any chance?"
"It isn't late. It's only around eleven, eleven-thirty."
"Only around!" Ackley said. "Listen. I gotta get up and go to Mass in th
e morning, for Chrissake. You guys start hollering and fighting in the middle of
the goddam--What the hell was the fight about, anyhow?"
"It's a long story. I don't wanna bore ya, Ackley. I'm thinking of your
- 543 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:35:24
- welfare," I told him. I never discussed my personal life with him. In the first
place, he was even more stupid than Stradlater. Stradlater was a goddam genius n
ext to Ackley. "Hey," I said, "is it okay if I sleep in Ely's bed tonight? He wo
n't be back till tomorrow night, will he?" I knew damn well he wouldn't. Ely wen
t home damn near every week end.
"I don't know when the hell he's coming back," Ackley said.
Boy, did that annoy me. "What the hell do you mean you don't know when h
e's coming back? He never comes back till Sunday night, does he?"
"No, but for Chrissake, I can't just tell somebody they can sleep in his
goddam bed if they want to."
- 544 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:36:38
- That killed me. I reached up from where I was sitting on the floor and p
atted him on the goddam shoulder. "You're a prince, Ackley kid," I said. "You kn
"No, I mean it--I can't just tell somebody they can sleep in--"
"You're a real prince. You're a gentleman and a scholar, kid," I said. H
e really was, too. "Do you happen to have any cigarettes, by any chance?--Say 'n
o' or I'll drop dead."
"No, I don't, as a matter of fact. Listen, what the hell was the fight a
I didn't answer him. All I did was, I got up and went over and looked ou
- 545 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:38:03
- t the window. I felt so lonesome, all of a sudden. I almost wished I was dead.
"What the hell was the fight about, anyhow?" Ackley said, for about the
fiftieth time. He certainly was a bore about that.
"About you," I said.
"About me, for Chrissake?"
"Yeah. I was defending your goddam honor. Stradlater said you had a lous
y personality. I couldn't let him get away with that stuff."
That got him excited. "He did? No kidding? He did?"
I told him I was only kidding, and then I went over and laid down on Ely
's bed. Boy, did I feel rotten. I felt so damn lonesome.
- 546 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:39:11
- but old Stradlater really did it. I was personally acquainted with at least two
girls he gave the time to. That's the truth.
"Tell me the story of your fascinating life, Ackley kid," I said.
"How 'bout turning off the goddam light? I gotta get up for Mass in the
I got up and turned it off, if it made him happy. Then I laid down on El
y's bed again.
"What're ya gonna do--sleep in Ely's bed?" Ackley said. He was the perfe
ct host, boy.
"I may. I may not. Don't worry about it."
- 547 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:39:49
- "I'm not worried about it. Only, I'd hate like hell if Ely came in all o
f a sudden and found some guy--"
"Relax. I'm not gonna sleep here. I wouldn't abuse your goddam hospitali
A couple of minutes later, he was snoring like mad. I kept laying there
in the dark anyway, though, trying not to think about old Jane and Stradlater in
that goddam Ed Banky's car. But it was almost impossible. The trouble was, I kn
ew that guy Stradlater's technique. That made it even worse. We once double-date
d, in Ed Banky's car, and Stradlater was in the back, with his date, and I was i
n the front with mine. What a technique that guy had. What he'd do was, he'd sta
- 548 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:40:06
- rt snowing his date in this very quiet, sincere voice--like as if he wasn't only
a very handsome guy but a nice, sincere guy, too. I damn near puked, listening
to him. His date kept saying, "No--please. Please, don't. Please." But old Strad
later kept snowing her in this Abraham Lincoln, sincere voice, and finally there
'd be this terrific silence in the back of the car. It was really embarrassing.
I don't think he gave that girl the time that night--but damn near. Damn near.
While I was laying there trying not to think, I heard old Stradlater com
e back from the can and go in our room. You could hear him putting away his crum
by toilet articles and all, and opening the window. He was a fresh-air fiend. Th
en, a little while later, he turned off the light. He didn't even look around to
- 549 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:40:17
- see where I was at.
It was even depressing out in the street. You couldn't even hear any car
s any more. I got feeling so lonesome and rotten, I even felt like waking Ackley
"Hey, Ackley," I said, in sort of a whisper, so Stradlater couldn't hear
me through the shower curtain.
Ackley didn't hear me, though.
He still didn't hear me. He slept like a rock.
- 550 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:40:39
- He heard that, all right.
"What the hell's the matter with you?" he said. "I was asleep, for Chris
"Listen. What's the routine on joining a monastery?" I asked him. I was
sort of toying with the idea of joining one. "Do you have to be a Catholic and a
"Certainly you have to be a Catholic. You bastard, did you wake me just
to ask me a dumb ques--"
"Aah, go back to sleep. I'm not gonna join one anyway. The kind of luck
I have, I'd probably join one with all the wrong kind of monks in it. All stupid
- 551 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:40:57
- bastards. Or just bastards."
When I said that, old Ackley sat way the hell up in bed. "Listen," he sa
id, "I don't care what you say about me or anything, but if you start making cra
cks about my goddam religion, for Chrissake--"
"Relax," I said. "Nobody's making any cracks about your goddam religion.
" I got up off Ely's bed, and started towards the door. I didn't want to hang ar
ound in that stupid atmosphere any more. I stopped on the way, though, and picke
d up Ackley's hand, and gave him a big, phony handshake. He pulled it away from
me. "What's the idea?" he said.
"No idea. I just want to thank you for being such a goddam prince, that'
- 552 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:41:14
- s all," I said. I said it in this very sincere voice. "You're aces, Ackley kid,"
I said. "You know that?"
"Wise guy. Someday somebody's gonna bash your--"
I didn't even bother to listen to him. I shut the damn door and went out
in the corridor.
Everybody was asleep or out or home for the week end, and it was very, v
ery quiet and depressing in the corridor. There was this empty box of Kolynos to
othpaste outside Leahy and Hoffman's door, and while I walked down towards the s
tairs, I kept giving it a boot with this sheep-lined slipper I had on. What I th
ought I'd do, I thought I might go down and see what old Mal Brossard was doing.
- 553 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:41:38
- But all of a sudden, I changed my mind. All of a sudden, I decided what I'd rea
lly do, I'd get the hell out of Pencey--right that same night and all. I mean no
t wait till Wednesday or anything. I just didn't want to hang around any more. I
t made me too sad and lonesome. So what I decided to do, I decided I'd take a ro
om in a hotel in New York--some very inexpensive hotel and all--and just take it
easy till Wednesday. Then, on Wednesday, I'd go home all rested up and feeling
swell. I figured my parents probably wouldn't get old Thurmer's letter saying I'
d been given the ax till maybe Tuesday or Wednesday. I didn't want to go home or
anything till they got it and thoroughly digested it and all. I didn't want to
be around when they first got it. My mother gets very hysterical. She's not too
- 554 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:42:51
- bad after she gets something thoroughly digested, though. Besides, I sort of nee
ded a little vacation. My nerves were shot. They really were.
Anyway, that's what I decided I'd do. So I went back to the room and tur
ned on the light, to start packing and all. I already had quite a few things pac
ked. Old Stradlater didn't even wake up. I lit a cigarette and got all dressed a
nd then I packed these two Gladstones I have. It only took me about two minutes.
I'm a very rapid packer.
One thing about packing depressed me a little. I had to pack these brand
-new ice skates my mother had practically just sent me a couple of days before.
That depressed me. I could see my mother going in Spaulding's and asking the sal
- 555 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:43:05
- esman a million dopy questions--and here I was getting the ax again. It made me
feel pretty sad. She bought me the wrong kind of skates--I wanted racing skates
and she bought hockey--but it made me sad anyway. Almost every time somebody giv
es me a present, it ends up making me sad.
After I got all packed, I sort of counted my dough. I don't remember exa
ctly how much I had, but I was pretty loaded. My grandmother'd just sent me a wa
d about a week before. I have this grandmother that's quite lavish with her doug
h. She doesn't have all her marbles any more--she's old as hell--and she keeps s
ending me money for my birthday about four times a year. Anyway, even though I w
as pretty loaded, I figured I could always use a few extra bucks. You never know
- 556 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:44:19
- . So what I did was, I went down the hail and woke up Frederick Woodruff, this g
uy I'd lent my typewriter to. I asked him how much he'd give me for it. He was a
pretty wealthy guy. He said he didn't know. He said he didn't much want to buy
it. Finally he bought it, though. It cost about ninety bucks, and all he bought
it for was twenty. He was sore because I'd woke him up.
When I was all set to go, when I had my bags and all, I stood for a whil
e next to the stairs and took a last look down the goddam corridor. I was sort o
f crying. I don't know why. I put my red hunting hat on, and turned the peak aro
und to the back, the way I liked it, and then I yelled at the top of my goddam v
oice, "Sleep tight, ya morons!" I'll bet I woke up every bastard on the whole fl
- 557 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:46:13
- oor. Then I got the hell out. Some stupid guy had thrown peanut shells all over
the stairs, and I damn near broke my crazy neck.
It was too late to call up for a cab or anything, so I walked the whole
way to the station. It wasn't too far, but it was cold as hell, and the snow mad
e it hard for walking, and my Gladstones kept banging hell out of my legs. I sor
t of enjoyed the air and all, though. The only trouble was, the cold made my nos
- 558 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:46:38
- e hurt, and right under my upper lip, where old Stradlater'd laid one on me. He'
d smacked my lip right on my teeth, and it was pretty sore. My ears were nice an
d warm, though. That hat I bought had earlaps in it, and I put them on--I didn't
give a damn how I looked. Nobody was around anyway. Everybody was in the sack.
I was quite lucky when I got to the station, because I only had to wait
about ten minutes for a train. While I waited, I got some snow in my hand and wa
shed my face with it. I still had quite a bit of blood on.
Usually I like riding on trains, especially at night, with the lights on
and the windows so black, and one of those guys coming up the aisle selling cof
fee and sandwiches and magazines. I usually buy a ham sandwich and about four ma
- 559 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:50:19
- gazines. If I'm on a train at night, I can usually even read one of those dumb s
tories in a magazine without puking. You know. One of those stories with a lot o
f phony, lean-jawed guys named David in it, and a lot of phony girls named Linda
or Marcia that are always lighting all the goddam Davids' pipes for them. I can
even read one of those lousy stories on a train at night, usually. But this tim
e, it was different. I just didn't feel like it. I just sort of sat and not did
anything. All I did was take off my hunting hat and put it in my pocket.
All of a sudden, this lady got on at Trenton and sat down next to me. Pr
actically the whole car was empty, because it was pretty late and all, but she s
at down next to me, instead of an empty seat, because she had this big bag with
- 560 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:51:24
- her and I was sitting in the front seat. She stuck the bag right out in the mid
dle of the aisle, where the conductor and everybody could trip over it. She had
these orchids on, like she'd just been to a big party or something. She was arou
nd forty or forty-five, I guess, but she was very good looking. Women kill me. T
hey really do. I don't mean I'm oversexed or anything like that--although I am q
uite sexy. I just like them, I mean. They're always leaving their goddam bags ou
t in the middle of the aisle.
Anyway, we were sitting there, and all of a sudden she said to me, "Excu
se me, but isn't that a Pencey Prep sticker?" She was looking up at my suitcases
, up on the rack.
- 561 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:53:04
- "Yes, it is," I said. She was right. I did have a goddam Pencey sticker
on one of my Gladstones. Very corny, I'll admit.
"Oh, do you go to Pencey?" she said. She had a nice voice. A nice teleph
one voice, mostly. She should've carried a goddam telephone around with her.
"Yes, I do," I said.
"Oh, how lovely! Perhaps you know my son, then, Ernest Morrow? He goes t
"Yes, I do. He's in my class."
Her son was doubtless the biggest bastard that ever went to Pencey, in t
he whole crumby history of the school. He was always going down the corridor, af
- 562 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:56:46
- ter he'd had a shower, snapping his soggy old wet towel at people's asses. That'
s exactly the kind of a guy he was.
"Oh, how nice!" the lady said. But not corny. She was just nice and all.
"I must tell Ernest we met," she said. "May I ask your name, dear?"
"Rudolf Schmidt," I told her. I didn't feel like giving her my whole lif
e history. Rudolf Schmidt was the name of the janitor of our dorm.
"Do you like Pencey?" she asked me.
"Pencey? It's not too bad. It's not paradise or anything, but it's as go
od as most schools. Some of the faculty are pretty conscientious."
"Ernest just adores it."
- 563 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:58:03
- "I know he does," I said. Then I started shooting the old crap around a
little bit. "He adapts himself very well to things. He really does. I mean he re
ally knows how to adapt himself."
"Do you think so?" she asked me. She sounded interested as hell.
"Ernest? Sure," I said. Then I watched her take off her gloves. Boy, was
she lousy with rocks.
"I just broke a nail, getting out of a cab," she said. She looked up at
me and sort of smiled. She had a terrifically nice smile. She really did. Most p
eople have hardly any smile at all, or a lousy one. "Ernest's father and I somet
imes worry about him," she said. "We sometimes feel he's not a terribly good mix
- 564 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:58:29
"How do you mean?"
"Well. He's a very sensitive boy. He's really never been a terribly good
mixer with other boys. Perhaps he takes things a little more seriously than he
should at his age."
Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a g
oddam toilet seat.
I gave her a good look. She didn't look like any dope to me. She looked
like she might have a pretty damn good idea what a bastard she was the mother of
. But you can't always tell--with somebody's mother, I mean. Mothers are all sli
- 565 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:59:36
- ghtly insane. The thing is, though, I liked old Morrow's mother. She was all rig
ht. "Would you care for a cigarette?" I asked her.
She looked all around. "I don't believe this is a smoker, Rudolf," she s
aid. Rudolf. That killed me.
"That's all right. We can smoke till they start screaming at us," I said
. She took a cigarette off me, and I gave her a light.
She looked nice, smoking. She inhaled and all, but she didn't wolf the s
moke down, the way most women around her age do. She had a lot of charm. She had
quite a lot of sex appeal, too, if you really want to know.
She was looking at me sort of funny. I may be wrong but I believe your n
- 566 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 10:59:49
- ose is bleeding, dear, she said, all of a sudden.
I nodded and took out my handkerchief. "I got hit with a snowball," I sa
id. "One of those very icy ones." I probably would've told her what really happe
ned, but it would've taken too long. I liked her, though. I was beginning to fee
l sort of sorry I'd told her my name was Rudolf Schmidt. "Old Ernie," I said. "H
e's one of the most popular boys at Pencey. Did you know that?"
"No, I didn't."
I nodded. "It really took everybody quite a long time to get to know him
. He's a funny guy. A strange guy, in lots of ways--know what I mean? Like when
I first met him. When I first met him, I thought he was kind of a snobbish perso
- 567 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:00:24
- n. That's what I thought. But he isn't. He's just got this very original persona
lity that takes you a little while to get to know him."
Old Mrs. Morrow didn't say anything, but boy, you should've seen her. I
had her glued to her seat. You take somebody's mother, all they want to hear abo
ut is what a hot-shot their son is.
Then I really started chucking the old crap around. "Did he tell you abo
ut the elections?" I asked her. "The class elections?"
She shook her head. I had her in a trance, like. I really did.
"Well, a bunch of us wanted old Ernie to be president of the class. I me
an he was the unanimous choice. I mean he was the only boy that could really han
- 568 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:00:51
- dle the job," I said--boy, was I chucking it. "But this other boy--Harry Fencer-
-was elected. And the reason he was elected, the simple and obvious reason, was
because Ernie wouldn't let us nominate him. Because he's so darn shy and modest
and all. He refused. . . Boy, he's really shy. You oughta make him try to get ov
er that." I looked at her. "Didn't he tell you about it?"
"No, he didn't."
I nodded. "That's Ernie. He wouldn't. That's the one fault with him--he'
s too shy and modest. You really oughta get him to try to relax occasionally."
Right that minute, the conductor came around for old Mrs. Morrow's ticke
t, and it gave me a chance to quit shooting it. I'm glad I shot it for a while,
- 569 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:01:19
- though. You take a guy like Morrow that's always snapping their towel at people'
s asses--really trying to hurt somebody with it--they don't just stay a rat whil
e they're a kid. They stay a rat their whole life. But I'll bet, after all the c
rap I shot, Mrs. Morrow'll keep thinking of him now as this very shy, modest guy
that wouldn't let us nominate him for president. She might. You can't tell. Mot
hers aren't too sharp about that stuff.
"Would you care for a cocktail?" I asked her. I was feeling in the mood
for one myself. "We can go in the club car. All right?"
"Dear, are you allowed to order drinks?" she asked me. Not snotty, thoug
h. She was too charming and all to be snotty.
- 570 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:01:59
- "Well, no, not exactly, but I can usually get them on account of my heig
hth," I said. "And I have quite a bit of gray hair." I turned sideways and showe
d her my gray hair. It fascinated hell out of her. "C'mon, join me, why don't yo
u?" I said. I'd've enjoyed having her.
"I really don't think I'd better. Thank you so much, though, dear," she
said. "Anyway, the club car's most likely closed. It's quite late, you know." Sh
e was right. I'd forgotten all about what time it was.
Then she looked at me and asked me what I was afraid she was going to as
k me. "Ernest wrote that he'd be home on Wednesday, that Christmas vacation woul
d start on Wednesday," she said. "I hope you weren't called home suddenly becaus
- 571 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:02:13
- e of illness in the family." She really looked worried about it. She wasn't just
being nosy, you could tell.
"No, everybody's fine at home," I said. "It's me. I have to have this op
"Oh! I'm so sorry," she said. She really was, too. I was right away sorr
y I'd said it, but it was too late.
"It isn't very serious. I have this tiny little tumor on the brain."
"Oh, no!" She put her hand up to her mouth and all. "Oh, I'll be all rig
ht and everything! It's right near the outside. And it's a very tiny one. They c
an take it out in about two minutes."
- 572 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:02:40
- Then I started reading this timetable I had in my pocket. Just to stop l
ying. Once I get started, I can go on for hours if I feel like it. No kidding. H
We didn't talk too much after that. She started reading this Vogue she h
ad with her, and I looked out the window for a while. She got off at Newark. She
wished me a lot of luck with the operation and all. She kept calling me Rudolf.
Then she invited me to visit Ernie during the summer, at Gloucester, Massachuse
tts. She said their house was right on the beach, and they had a tennis court an
d all, but I just thanked her and told her I was going to South America with my
grandmother. Which was really a hot one, because my grandmother hardly ever even
- 573 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:03:44
- goes out of the house, except maybe to go to a goddam matinee or something. But
I wouldn't visit that sonuvabitch Morrow for all the dough in the world, even i
f I was desperate.
The first thing I did when I got off at Penn Station, I went into this p
hone booth. I felt like giving somebody a buzz. I left my bags right outside the
booth so that I could watch them, but as soon as I was inside, I couldn't think
- 574 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:04:36
- of anybody to call up. My brother D.B. was in Hollywood. My kid sister Phoebe g
oes to bed around nine o'clock--so I couldn't call her up. She wouldn't've cared
if I'd woke her up, but the trouble was, she wouldn't've been the one that answ
ered the phone. My parents would be the ones. So that was out. Then I thought of
giving Jane Gallagher's mother a buzz, and find out when Jane's vacation starte
d, but I didn't feel like it. Besides, it was pretty late to call up. Then I tho
ught of calling this girl I used to go around with quite frequently, Sally Hayes
, because I knew her Christmas vacation had started already--she'd written me th
is long, phony letter, inviting me over to help her trim the Christmas tree Chri
stmas Eve and all--but I was afraid her mother'd answer the phone. Her mother kn
- 575 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:06:34
- ew my mother, and I could picture her breaking a goddam leg to get to the phone
and tell my mother I was in New York. Besides, I wasn't crazy about talking to o
ld Mrs. Hayes on the phone. She once told Sally I was wild. She said I was wild
and that I had no direction in life. Then I thought of calling up this guy that
went to the Whooton School when I was there, Carl Luce, but I didn't like him mu
ch. So I ended up not calling anybody. I came out of the booth, after about twen
ty minutes or so, and got my bags and walked over to that tunnel where the cabs
are and got a cab.
I'm so damn absent-minded, I gave the driver my regular address, just ou
t of habit and all--I mean I completely forgot I was going to shack up in a hote
- 576 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:06:57
- l for a couple of days and not go home till vacation started. I didn't think of
it till we were halfway through the park. Then I said, "Hey, do you mind turning
around when you get a chance? I gave you the wrong address. I want to go back d
The driver was sort of a wise guy. "I can't turn around here, Mac. This
here's a one-way. I'll have to go all the way to Ninedieth Street now."
I didn't want to start an argument. "Okay," I said. Then I thought of so
mething, all of a sudden. "Hey, listen," I said. "You know those ducks in that l
agoon right near Central Park South? That little lake? By any chance, do you hap
pen to know where they go, the ducks, when it gets all frozen over? Do you happe
- 577 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:10:34
- n to know, by any chance?" I realized it was only one chance in a million.
He turned around and looked at me like I was a madman. "What're ya tryna
do, bud?" he said. "Kid me?"
"No--I was just interested, that's all."
He didn't say anything more, so I didn't either. Until we came out of th
e park at Ninetieth Street. Then he said, "All right, buddy. Where to?"
"Well, the thing is, I don't want to stay at any hotels on the East Side
where I might run into some acquaintances of mine. I'm traveling incognito," I
said. I hate saying corny things like "traveling incognito." But when I'm with s
omebody that's corny, I always act corny too. "Do you happen to know whose band'
- 578 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:10:54
- s at the Taft or the New Yorker, by any chance?"
"No idear, Mac."
"Well--take me to the Edmont then," I said. "Would you care to stop on t
he way and join me for a cocktail? On me. I'm loaded."
"Can't do it, Mac. Sorry." He certainly was good company. Terrific perso
We got to the Edmont Hotel, and I checked in. I'd put on my red hunting
cap when I was in the cab, just for the hell of it, but I took it off before I c
hecked in. I didn't want to look like a screwball or something. Which is really
ironic. I didn't know then that the goddam hotel was full of perverts and morons
- 579 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:11:38
- . Screwballs all over the place.
They gave me this very crumby room, with nothing to look out of the wind
ow at except the other side of the hotel. I didn't care much. I was too depresse
d to care whether I had a good view or not. The bellboy that showed me to the ro
om was this very old guy around sixty-five. He was even more depressing than the
room was. He was one of those bald guys that comb all their hair over from the
side to cover up the baldness. I'd rather be bald than do that. Anyway, what a g
orgeous job for a guy around sixty-five years old. Carrying people's suitcases a
nd waiting around for a tip. I suppose he wasn't too intelligent or anything, bu
t it was terrible anyway.
- 580 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:12:17
- After he left, I looked out the window for a while, with my coat on and
all. I didn't have anything else to do. You'd be surprised what was going on on
the other side of the hotel. They didn't even bother to pull their shades down.
I saw one guy, a gray-haired, very distinguished-looking guy with only his short
s on, do something you wouldn't believe me if I told you. First he put his suitc
ase on the bed. Then he took out all these women's clothes, and put them on. Rea
l women's clothes--silk stockings, high-heeled shoes, brassiere, and one of thos
e corsets with the straps hanging down and all. Then he put on this very tight b
lack evening dress. I swear to God. Then he started walking up and down the room
, taking these very small steps, the way a woman does, and smoking a cigarette a
- 581 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:12:43
- nd looking at himself in the mirror. He was all alone, too. Unless somebody was
in the bathroom--I couldn't see that much. Then, in the window almost right over
his, I saw a man and a woman squirting water out of their mouths at each other.
It probably was highballs, not water, but I couldn't see what they had in their
glasses. Anyway, first he'd take a swallow and squirt it all over her, then she
did it to him--they took turns, for God's sake. You should've seen them. They w
ere in hysterics the whole time, like it was the funniest thing that ever happen
ed. I'm not kidding, the hotel was lousy with perverts. I was probably the only
normal bastard in the whole place--and that isn't saying much. I damn near sent
a telegram to old Stradlater telling him to take the first train to New York. He
- 582 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:13:29
- 'd have been the king of the hotel.
The trouble was, that kind of junk is sort of fascinating to watch, even
if you don't want it to be. For instance, that girl that was getting water squi
rted all over her face, she was pretty good-looking. I mean that's my big troubl
e. In my mind, I'm probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw. Sometimes I can
think of very crumby stuff I wouldn't mind doing if the opportunity came up. I
can even see how it might be quite a lot of fun, in a crumby way, and if you wer
e both sort of drunk and all, to get a girl and squirt water or something all ov
er each other's face. The thing is, though, I don't like the idea. It stinks, if
you analyze it. I think if you don't really like a girl, you shouldn't horse ar
- 583 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:14:19
- ound with her at all, and if you do like her, then you're supposed to like her f
ace, and if you like her face, you ought to be careful about doing crumby stuff
to it, like squirting water all over it. It's really too bad that so much crumby
stuff is a lot of fun sometimes. Girls aren't too much help, either, when you s
tart trying not to get too crumby, when you start trying not to spoil anything r
eally good. I knew this one girl, a couple of years ago, that was even crumbier
than I was. Boy, was she crumby! We had a lot of fun, though, for a while, in a
crumby way. Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know w
here the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I b
reak them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing a
- 584 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:14:43
- round with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though,
the same week I made it--the same night, as a matter of fact. I spent the whole
night necking with a terrible phony named Anne Louise Sherman. Sex is something
I just don't understand. I swear to God I don't.
I started toying with the idea, while I kept standing there, of giving o
ld Jane a buzz--I mean calling her long distance at B.M., where she went, instea
d of calling up her mother to find out when she was coming home. You weren't sup
posed to call students up late at night, but I had it all figured out. I was goi
ng to tell whoever answered the phone that I was her uncle. I was going to say h
er aunt had just got killed in a car accident and I had to speak to her immediat
- 585 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:15:27
- ely. It would've worked, too. The only reason I didn't do it was because I wasn'
t in the mood. If you're not in the mood, you can't do that stuff right.
After a while I sat down in a chair and smoked a couple of cigarettes. I
was feeling pretty horny. I have to admit it. Then, all of a sudden, I got this
idea. I took out my wallet and started looking for this address a guy I met at
a party last summer, that went to Princeton, gave me. Finally I found it. It was
all a funny color from my wallet, but you could still read it. It was the addre
ss of this girl that wasn't exactly a whore or anything but that didn't mind doi
ng it once in a while, this Princeton guy told me. He brought her to a dance at
Princeton once, and they nearly kicked him out for bringing her. She used to be
- 586 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:17:16
- a burlesque stripper or something. Anyway, I went over to the phone and gave her
a buzz. Her name was Faith Cavendish, and she lived at the Stanford Arms Hotel
on Sixty-fifth and Broadway. A dump, no doubt.
For a while, I didn t think she was home or something. Nobody kept answe
ring. Then, finally, somebody picked up the phone.
"Hello?" I said. I made my voice quite deep so that she wouldn't suspect
my age or anything. I have a pretty deep voice anyway.
"Hello," this woman's voice said. None too friendly, either.
"Is this Miss Faith Cavendish?"
"Who's this?" she said. "Who's calling me up at this crazy goddam hour?"
- 587 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:17:31
- That sort of scared me a little bit. "Well, I know it's quite late," I s
aid, in this very mature voice and all. "I hope you'll forgive me, but I was ver
y anxious to get in touch with you." I said it suave as hell. I really did.
"Who is this?" she said.
"Well, you don't know me, but I'm a friend of Eddie Birdsell's. He sugge
sted that if I were in town sometime, we ought to get together for a cocktail or
"Who? You're a friend of who?" Boy, she was a real tigress over the phon
e. She was damn near yelling at me.
"Edmund Birdsell. Eddie Birdsell," I said. I couldn't remember if his na
- 588 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:17:51
- me was Edmund or Edward. I only met him once, at a goddam stupid party.
"I don't know anybody by that name, Jack. And if you think I enjoy bein'
woke up in the middle--"
"Eddie Birdsell? From Princeton?" I said.
You could tell she was running the name over in her mind and all.
"Birdsell, Birdsell. . . from Princeton.. . Princeton College?"
"That's right," I said.
"You from Princeton College?"
"Oh. . . How is Eddie?" she said. "This is certainly a peculiar time to
- 589 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:18:05
- call a person up, though. Jesus Christ."
"He's fine. He asked to be remembered to you."
"Well, thank you. Remember me to him," she said. "He's a grand person. W
hat's he doing now?" She was getting friendly as hell, all of a sudden.
"Oh, you know. Same old stuff," I said. How the hell did I know what he
was doing? I hardly knew the guy. I didn't even know if he was still at Princeto
n. "Look," I said. "Would you be interested in meeting me for a cocktail somewhe
"By any chance do you have any idea what time it is?" she said. "What's
your name, anyhow, may I ask?" She was getting an English accent, all of a sudde
- 590 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:18:29
- n. "You sound a little on the young side."
I laughed. "Thank you for the compliment," I said-- suave as hell. "Hold
en Caulfield's my name." I should've given her a phony name, but I didn't think
"Well, look, Mr. Cawffle. I'm not in the habit of making engagements in
the middle of the night. I'm a working gal."
"Tomorrow's Sunday," I told her.
"Well, anyway. I gotta get my beauty sleep. You know how it is."
"I thought we might have just one cocktail together. It isn't too late."
"Well. You're very sweet," she said. "Where ya callin' from? Where ya at
- 591 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:19:15
- now, anyways?"
"Me? I'm in a phone booth."
"Oh," she said. Then there was this very long pause. "Well, I'd like awf
ully to get together with you sometime, Mr. Cawffle. You sound very attractive.
You sound like a very attractive person. But it is late."
"I could come up to your place."
"Well, ordinary, I'd say grand. I mean I'd love to have you drop up for
a cocktail, but my roommate happens to be ill. She's been laying here all night
without a wink of sleep. She just this minute closed her eyes and all. I mean."
"Oh. That's too bad."
- 592 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:20:09
- "Where ya stopping at? Perhaps we could get together for cocktails tomor
"I can't make it tomorrow," I said. "Tonight's the only time I can make
it." What a dope I was. I shouldn't've said that.
"Oh. Well, I'm awfully sorry."
"I'll say hello to Eddie for you."
"Willya do that? I hope you enjoy your stay in New York. It's a grand pl
"I know it is. Thanks. Good night," I said. Then I hung up.
Boy, I really fouled that up. I should've at least made it for cocktails
- 593 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:20:44
- or something.
It was still pretty early. I'm not sure what time it was, but it wasn't
too late. The one thing I hate to do is go to bed when I'm not even tired. So I
opened my suitcases and took out a clean shirt, and then I went in the bathroom
and washed and changed my shirt. What I thought I'd do, I thought I'd go downsta
irs and see what the hell was going on in the Lavender Room. They had this night
- 594 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:21:11
- club, the Lavender Room, in the hotel.
While I was changing my shirt, I damn near gave my kid sister Phoebe a b
uzz, though. I certainly felt like talking to her on the phone. Somebody with se
nse and all. But I couldn't take a chance on giving her a buzz, because she was
only a little kid and she wouldn't have been up, let alone anywhere near the pho
ne. I thought of maybe hanging up if my parents answered, but that wouldn't've w
orked, either. They'd know it was me. My mother always knows it's me. She's psyc
hic. But I certainly wouldn't have minded shooting the crap with old Phoebe for
You should see her. You never saw a little kid so pretty and smart in yo
- 595 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:21:39
- ur whole life. She's really smart. I mean she's had all A's ever since she start
ed school. As a matter of fact, I'm the only dumb one in the family. My brother
D.B.'s a writer and all, and my brother Allie, the one that died, that I told yo
u about, was a wizard. I'm the only really dumb one. But you ought to see old Ph
oebe. She has this sort of red hair, a little bit like Allie's was, that's very
short in the summertime. In the summertime, she sticks it behind her ears. She h
as nice, pretty little ears. In the wintertime, it's pretty long, though. Someti
mes my mother braids it and sometimes she doesn't. It's really nice, though. She
's only ten. She's quite skinny, like me, but nice skinny. Roller-skate skinny.
I watched her once from the window when she was crossing over Fifth Avenue to go
- 596 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:22:27
- to the park, and that's what she is, roller-skate skinny. You'd like her. I mea
n if you tell old Phoebe something, she knows exactly what the hell you're talki
ng about. I mean you can even take her anywhere with you. If you take her to a l
ousy movie, for instance, she knows it's a lousy movie. If you take her to a pre
tty good movie, she knows it's a pretty good movie. D.B. and I took her to see t
his French movie, The Baker's Wife, with Raimu in it. It killed her. Her favorit
e is The 39 Steps, though, with Robert Donat. She knows the whole goddam movie b
y heart, because I've taken her to see it about ten times. When old Donat comes
up to this Scotch farmhouse, for instance, when he's running away from the cops
and all, Phoebe'll say right out loud in the movie--right when the Scotch guy in
- 597 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:23:05
- the picture says it--"Can you eat the herring?" She knows all the talk by heart
. And when this professor in the picture, that's really a German spy, sticks up
his little finger with part of the middle joint missing, to show Robert Donat, o
ld Phoebe beats him to it--she holds up her little finger at me in the dark, rig
ht in front of my face. She's all right. You'd like her. The only trouble is, sh
e's a little too affectionate sometimes. She's very emotional, for a child. She
really is. Something else she does, she writes books all the time. Only, she doe
sn't finish them. They're all about some kid named Hazel Weatherfield--only old
Phoebe spells it "Hazle." Old Hazle Weatherfield is a girl detective. She's supp
osed to be an orphan, but her old man keeps showing up. Her old man's always a "
- 598 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:23:22
- tall attractive gentleman about 20 years of age." That kills me. Old Phoebe. I s
wear to God you'd like her. She was smart even when she was a very tiny little k
id. When she was a very tiny little kid, I and Allie used to take her to the par
k with us, especially on Sundays. Allie had this sailboat he used to like to foo
l around with on Sundays, and we used to take old Phoebe with us. She'd wear whi
te gloves and walk right between us, like a lady and all. And when Allie and I w
ere having some conversation about things in general, old Phoebe'd be listening.
Sometimes you'd forget she was around, because she was such a little kid, but s
he'd let you know. She'd interrupt you all the time. She'd give Allie or I a pus
h or something, and say, "Who? Who said that? Bobby or the lady?" And we'd tell
- 599 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:24:09
- her who said it, and she'd say, "Oh," and go right on listening and all. She kil
led Allie, too. I mean he liked her, too. She's ten now, and not such a tiny lit
tle kid any more, but she still kills everybody--everybody with any sense, anywa
Anyway, she was somebody you always felt like talking to on the phone. B
ut I was too afraid my parents would answer, and then they'd find out I was in N
ew York and kicked out of Pencey and all. So I just finished putting on my shirt
. Then I got all ready and went down in the elevator to the lobby to see what wa
s going on.
Except for a few pimpy-looking guys, and a few whory-looking blondes, th
- 600 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:25:28
- e lobby was pretty empty. But you could hear the band playing in the Lavender Ro
om, and so I went in there. It wasn't very crowded, but they gave me a lousy tab
le anyway--way in the back. I should've waved a buck under the head-waiter's nos
e. In New York, boy, money really talks--I'm not kidding.
The band was putrid. Buddy Singer. Very brassy, but not good brassy--cor
ny brassy. Also, there were very few people around my age in the place. In fact,
nobody was around my age. They were mostly old, show-offy-looking guys with the
ir dates. Except at the table right next to me. At the table right next to me, t
here were these three girls around thirty or so. The whole three of them were pr
etty ugly, and they all had on the kind of hats that you knew they didn't really
- 601 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:26:22
- live in New York, but one of them, the blonde one, wasn't too bad. She was sort
of cute, the blonde one, and I started giving her the old eye a little bit, but
just then the waiter came up for my order. I ordered a Scotch and soda, and tol
d him not to mix it--I said it fast as hell, because if you hem and haw, they th
ink you're under twenty-one and won't sell you any intoxicating liquor. I had tr
ouble with him anyway, though. "I'm sorry, sir," he said, "but do you have some
verification of your age? Your driver's license, perhaps?"
I gave him this very cold stare, like he'd insulted the hell out of me,
and asked him, "Do I look like I'm under twenty-one?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but we have our--"
- 602 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:26:37
- "Okay, okay," I said. I figured the hell with it. "Bring me a Coke." He
started to go away, but I called him back. "Can'tcha stick a little rum in it or
something?" I asked him. I asked him very nicely and all. "I can't sit in a cor
ny place like this cold sober. Can'tcha stick a little rum in it or something?"
"I'm very sorry, sir. . ." he said, and beat it on me. I didn't hold it
against him, though. They lose their jobs if they get caught selling to a minor.
I'm a goddam minor.
I started giving the three witches at the next table the eye again. That
is, the blonde one. The other two were strictly from hunger. I didn't do it cru
dely, though. I just gave all three of them this very cool glance and all. What
- 603 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:30:25
"You really can dance," I told the blonde one. "You oughta be a pro. I m
ean it. I danced with a pro once, and you're twice as good as she was. Did you e
ver hear of Marco and Miranda?"
"What?" she said. She wasn't even listening to me. She was looking all a
round the place.
"I said did you ever hear of Marco and Miranda?"
"I don't know. No. I don't know."
"Well, they're dancers, she's a dancer. She's not too hot, though. She d
oes everything she's supposed to, but she's not so hot anyway. You know when a g
- 604 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:31:08
- irl's really a terrific dancer?"
"Wudga say?" she said. She wasn't listening to me, even. Her mind was wa
ndering all over the place.
"I said do you know when a girl's really a terrific dancer?"
"Well--where I have my hand on your back. If I think there isn't anythin
g underneath my hand--no can, no legs, no feet, no anything--then the girl's rea
lly a terrific dancer."
She wasn't listening, though. So I ignored her for a while. We just danc
ed. God, could that dopey girl dance. Buddy Singer and his stinking band was pla
- 605 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:32:24
- ying "Just One of Those Things" and even they couldn't ruin it entirely. It's a
swell song. I didn't try any trick stuff while we danced--I hate a guy that does
a lot of show-off tricky stuff on the dance floor--but I was moving her around
plenty, and she stayed with me. The funny thing is, I thought she was enjoying i
t, too, till all of a sudden she came out with this very dumb remark. "I and my
girl friends saw Peter Lorre last night," she said. "The movie actor. In person.
He was buyin' a newspaper. He's cute."
"You're lucky," I told her. "You're really lucky. You know that?" She wa
s really a moron. But what a dancer. I could hardly stop myself from sort of giv
ing her a kiss on the top of her dopey head--you know-- right where the part is,
- 606 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:33:51
- and all. She got sore when I did it.
"Hey! What's the idea?"
"Nothing. No idea. You really can dance," I said. "I have a kid sister t
hat's only in the goddam fourth grade. You're about as good as she is, and she c
an dance better than anybody living or dead."
"Watch your language, if you don't mind."
What a lady, boy. A queen, for Chrissake.
"Where you girls from?" I asked her.
She didn't answer me, though. She was busy looking around for old Peter
Lorre to show up, I guess.
- 607 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:34:47
- "Where you girls from?" I asked her again.
"What?" she said.
"Where you girls from? Don't answer if you don't feel like it. I don't w
ant you to strain yourself."
"Seattle, Washington," she said. She was doing me a big favor to tell me
"You're a very good conversationalist," I told her. "You know that?"
I let it drop. It was over her head, anyway. "Do you feel like jitterbug
ging a little bit, if they play a fast one? Not corny jitterbug, not jump or any
- 608 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:35:21
- thing--just nice and easy. Everybody'll all sit down when they play a fast one,
except the old guys and the fat guys, and we'll have plenty of room. Okay?"
"It's immaterial to me," she said. "Hey--how old are you, anyhow?"
That annoyed me, for some reason. "Oh, Christ. Don't spoil it," I said.
"I'm twelve, for Chrissake. I'm big for my age."
"Listen. I toleja about that. I don't like that type language," she said
. "If you're gonna use that type language, I can go sit down with my girl friend
s, you know."
I apologized like a madman, because the band was starting a fast one. Sh
e started jitterbugging with me-- but just very nice and easy, not corny. She wa
- 609 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:35:32
- s really good. All you had to do was touch her. And when she turned around, her
pretty little butt twitched so nice and all. She knocked me out. I mean it. I wa
s half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. E
very time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even
if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never
know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They
They didn't invite me to sit down at their table-- mostly because they w
ere too ignorant--but I sat down anyway. The blonde I'd been dancing with's name
was Bernice something--Crabs or Krebs. The two ugly ones' names were Marty and
- 610 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:36:59
- dopes? I thought the two ugly ones, Marty and Laverne, were sisters, but they go
t very insulted when I asked them. You could tell neither one of them wanted to
look like the other one, and you couldn't blame them, but it was very amusing an
I danced with them all--the whole three of them--one at a time. The one
ugly one, Laverne, wasn't too bad a dancer, but the other one, old Marty, was mu
rder. Old Marty was like dragging the Statue of Liberty around the floor. The on
ly way I could even half enjoy myself dragging her around was if I amused myself
a little. So I told her I just saw Gary Cooper, the movie star, on the other si
de of the floor.
- 611 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:37:56
- "Where?" she asked me--excited as hell. "Where?"
"Aw, you just missed him. He just went out. Why didn't you look when I t
She practically stopped dancing, and started looking over everybody's he
ads to see if she could see him. "Oh, shoot!" she said. I'd just about broken he
r heart-- I really had. I was sorry as hell I'd kidded her. Some people you shou
ldn't kid, even if they deserve it.
Here's what was very funny, though. When we got back to the table, old M
arty told the other two that Gary Cooper had just gone out. Boy, old Laverne and
Bernice nearly committed suicide when they heard that. They got all excited and
- 612 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:39:28
- asked Marty if she'd seen him and all. Old Mart said she'd only caught a glimps
e of him. That killed me.
The bar was closing up for the night, so I bought them all two drinks ap
iece quick before it closed, and I ordered two more Cokes for myself. The goddam
table was lousy with glasses. The one ugly one, Laverne, kept kidding me becaus
e I was only drinking Cokes. She had a sterling sense of humor. She and old Mart
y were drinking Tom Collinses--in the middle of December, for God's sake. They d
idn't know any better. The blonde one, old Bernice, was drinking bourbon and wat
er. She was really putting it away, too. The whole three of them kept looking fo
r movie stars the whole time. They hardly talked--even to each other. Old Marty
- 613 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:40:37
- talked more than the other two. She kept saying these very corny, boring things,
like calling the can the "little girls' room," and she thought Buddy Singer's p
oor old beat-up clarinet player was really terrific when he stood up and took a
couple of ice-cold hot licks. She called his clarinet a "licorice stick." Was sh
e corny. The other ugly one, Laverne, thought she was a very witty type. She kep
t asking me to call up my father and ask him what he was doing tonight. She kept
asking me if my father had a date or not. Four times she asked me that--she was
certainly witty. Old Bernice, the blonde one, didn't say hardly anything at all
. Every time I'd ask her something, she said "What?" That can get on your nerves
after a while.
- 614 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:41:37
- All of a sudden, when they finished their drink, all three of them stood
up on me and said they had to get to bed. They said they were going to get up e
arly to see the first show at Radio City Music Hall. I tried to get them to stic
k around for a while, but they wouldn't. So we said good-by and all. I told them
I'd look them up in Seattle sometime, if I ever got there, but I doubt if I eve
r will. Look them up, I mean.
With cigarettes and all, the check came to about thirteen bucks. I think
they should've at least offered to pay for the drinks they had before I joined
them--I wouldn't've let them, naturally, but they should've at least offered. I
didn't care much, though. They were so ignorant, and they had those sad, fancy h
- 615 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:42:46
- ats on and all. And that business about getting up early to see the first show a
t Radio City Music Hall depressed me. If somebody, some girl in an awful-looking
hat, for instance, comes all the way to New York--from Seattle, Washington, for
God's sake--and ends up getting up early in the morning to see the goddam first
show at Radio City Music Hall, it makes me so depressed I can't stand it. I'd'v
e bought the whole three of them a hundred drinks if only they hadn't told me th
I left the Lavender Room pretty soon after they did. They were closing i
t up anyway, and the band had quit a long time ago. In the first place, it was o
ne of those places that are very terrible to be in unless you have somebody good
- 616 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:43:51
- omity-looking chair in the lobby and thought about her and Stradlater sitting in
that goddam Ed Banky's car, and though I was pretty damn sure old Stradlater ha
dn't given her the time--I know old Jane like a book--I still couldn't get her o
ff my brain. I knew her like a book. I really did. I mean, besides checkers, she
was quite fond of all athletic sports, and after I got to know her, the whole s
ummer long we played tennis together almost every morning and golf almost every
afternoon. I really got to know her quite intimately. I don't mean it was anythi
ng physical or anything--it wasn't--but we saw each other all the time. You don'
t always have to get too sexy to get to know a girl.
The way I met her, this Doberman pinscher she had used to come over and
- 617 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:44:36
- relieve himself on our lawn, and my mother got very irritated about it. She call
ed up Jane's mother and made a big stink about it. My mother can make a very big
stink about that kind of stuff. Then what happened, a couple of days later I sa
w Jane laying on her stomach next to the swimming pool, at the club, and I said
hello to her. I knew she lived in the house next to ours, but I'd never converse
d with her before or anything. She gave me the big freeze when I said hello that
day, though. I had a helluva time convincing her that I didn't give a good godd
am where her dog relieved himself. He could do it in the living room, for all I
cared. Anyway, after that, Jane and I got to be friends and all. I played golf w
ith her that same afternoon. She lost eight balls, I remember. Eight. I had a te
- 618 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:45:39
- ally closed it all the way, her mouth. It was always just a little bit open, esp
ecially when she got in her golf stance, or when she was reading a book. She was
always reading, and she read very good books. She read a lot of poetry and all.
She was the only one, outside my family, that I ever showed Allie's baseball mi
tt to, with all the poems written on it. She'd never met Allie or anything, beca
use that was her first summer in Maine--before that, she went to Cape Cod--but I
told her quite a lot about him. She was interested in that kind of stuff.
My mother didn't like her too much. I mean my mother always thought Jane
and her mother were sort of snubbing her or something when they didn't say hell
o. My mother saw them in the village a lot, because Jane used to drive to market
- 619 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:46:47
- with her mother in this LaSalle convertible they had. My mother didn't think Ja
ne was pretty, even. I did, though. I just liked the way she looked, that's all.
I remember this one afternoon. It was the only time old Jane and I ever
got close to necking, even. It was a Saturday and it was raining like a bastard
out, and I was over at her house, on the porch--they had this big screened-in po
rch. We were playing checkers. I used to kid her once in a while because she wou
ldn't take her kings out of the back row. But I didn't kid her much, though. You
never wanted to kid Jane too much. I think I really like it best when you can k
id the pants off a girl when the opportunity arises, but it's a funny thing. The
girls I like best are the ones I never feel much like kidding. Sometimes I thin
- 620 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:48:39
- k they'd like it if you kidded them--in fact, I know they would--but it's hard t
o get started, once you've known them a pretty long time and never kidded them.
Anyway, I was telling you about that afternoon Jane and I came close to necking.
It was raining like hell and we were out on her porch, and all of a sudden this
booze hound her mother was married to came out on the porch and asked Jane if t
here were any cigarettes in the house. I didn't know him too well or anything, b
ut he looked like the kind of guy that wouldn't talk to you much unless he wante
d something off you. He had a lousy personality. Anyway, old Jane wouldn't answe
r him when he asked her if she knew where there was any cigarettes. So the guy a
sked her again, but she still wouldn't answer him. She didn't even look up from
- 621 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:51:13
- She sort of wouldn't let me get to her mouth. Anyway, it was the closest we eve
r got to necking. After a while, she got up and went in and put on this red and
white sweater she had, that knocked me out, and we went to a goddam movie. I ask
ed her, on the way, if Mr. Cudahy--that was the booze hound's name--had ever tri
ed to get wise with her. She was pretty young, but she had this terrific figure,
and I wouldn't've put it past that Cudahy bastard. She said no, though. I never
did find out what the hell was the matter. Some girls you practically never fin
d out what's the matter.
I don't want you to get the idea she was a goddam icicle or something, j
ust because we never necked or horsed around much. She wasn't. I held hands with
- 622 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:51:55
- ething that just about knocked me out. The newsreel was on or something, and all
of a sudden I felt this hand on the back of my neck, and it was Jane's. It was
a funny thing to do. I mean she was quite young and all, and most girls if you s
ee them putting their hand on the back of somebody's neck, they're around twenty
-five or thirty and usually they're doing it to their husband or their little ki
d--I do it to my kid sister Phoebe once in a while, for instance. But if a girl'
s quite young and all and she does it, it's so pretty it just about kills you.
Anyway, that's what I was thinking about while I sat in that vomity-look
ing chair in the lobby. Old Jane. Every time I got to the part about her out wit
h Stradlater in that damn Ed Banky's car, it almost drove me crazy. I knew she w
- 623 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:52:39
- tuted himself. He used to take me with him once in a while. Ernie's a big fat co
lored guy that plays the piano. He's a terrific snob and he won't hardly even ta
lk to you unless you're a big shot or a celebrity or something, but he can reall
y play the piano. He's so good he's almost corny, in fact. I don't exactly know
what I mean by that, but I mean it. I certainly like to hear him play, but somet
imes you feel like turning his goddam piano over. I think it's because sometimes
when he plays, he sounds like the kind of guy that won't talk to you unless you
're a big shot.
- 624 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:54:34
The cab I had was a real old one that smelled like someone'd just tossed
his cookies in it. I always get those vomity kind of cabs if I go anywhere late
at night. What made it worse, it was so quiet and lonesome out, even though it
was Saturday night. I didn't see hardly anybody on the street. Now and then you
just saw a man and a girl crossing a street, with their arms around each other's
waists and all, or a bunch of hoodlumy-looking guys and their dates, all of the
m laughing like hyenas at something you could bet wasn't funny. New York's terri
ble when somebody laughs on the street very late at night. You can hear it for m
- 625 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:57:05
- iles. It makes you feel so lonesome and depressed. I kept wishing I could go hom
e and shoot the bull for a while with old Phoebe. But finally, after I was ridin
g a while, the cab driver and I sort of struck up a conversation. His name was H
orwitz. He was a much better guy than the other driver I'd had. Anyway, I though
t maybe he might know about the ducks.
"Hey, Horwitz," I said. "You ever pass by the lagoon in Central Park? Do
wn by Central Park South?"
"The lagoon. That little lake, like, there. Where the ducks are. You kno
- 626 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:57:58
- "Yeah, what about it?"
"Well, you know the ducks that swim around in it? In the springtime and
all? Do you happen to know where they go in the wintertime, by any chance?"
"Where who goes?"
"The ducks. Do you know, by any chance? I mean does somebody come around
in a truck or something and take them away, or do they fly away by themselves--
go south or something?"
Old Horwitz turned all the way around and looked at me. He was a very im
patient-type guy. He wasn't a bad guy, though. "How the hell should I know?" he
said. "How the hell should I know a stupid thing like that?"
- 627 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 11:58:52
- "Well, don't get sore about it," I said. He was sore about it or somethi
"Who's sore? Nobody's sore."
I stopped having a conversation with him, if he was going to get so damn
touchy about it. But he started it up again himself. He turned all the way arou
nd again, and said, "The fish don't go no place. They stay right where they are,
the fish. Right in the goddam lake."
"The fish--that's different. The fish is different. I'm talking about th
e ducks," I said.
"What's different about it? Nothin's different about it," Horwitz said.
- 628 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:00:31
- Everything he said, he sounded sore about something. "It's tougher for the fish,
the winter and all, than it is for the ducks, for Chrissake. Use your head, for
I didn't say anything for about a minute. Then I said, "All right. What
do they do, the fish and all, when that whole little lake's a solid block of ice
, people skating on it and all?"
Old Horwitz turned around again. "What the hellaya mean what do they do?
" he yelled at me. "They stay right where they are, for Chrissake."
"They can't just ignore the ice. They can't just ignore it."
"Who's ignoring it? Nobody's ignoring it!" Horwitz said. He got so damn
- 629 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:01:55
- excited and all, I was afraid he was going to drive the cab right into a lamppos
t or something. "They live right in the goddam ice. It's their nature, for Chris
sake. They get frozen right in one position for the whole winter."
"Yeah? What do they eat, then? I mean if they're frozen solid, they can'
t swim around looking for food and all."
"Their bodies, for Chrissake--what'sa matter with ya? Their bodies take
in nutrition and all, right through the goddam seaweed and crap that's in the ic
e. They got their pores open the whole time. That's their nature, for Chrissake.
See what I mean?" He turned way the hell around again to look at me.
"Oh," I said. I let it drop. I was afraid he was going to crack the damn
- 630 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:02:04
- taxi up or something. Besides, he was such a touchy guy, it wasn't any pleasure
discussing anything with him. "Would you care to stop off and have a drink with
me somewhere?" I said.
He didn't answer me, though. I guess he was still thinking. I asked him
again, though. He was a pretty good guy. Quite amusing and all.
"I ain't got no time for no liquor, bud," he said. "How the hell old are
you, anyways? Why ain'tcha home in bed?"
"I'm not tired."
When I got out in front of Ernie's and paid the fare, old Horwitz brough
t up the fish again. He certainly had it on his mind. "Listen," he said. "If you
- 631 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:02:58
- was a fish, Mother Nature'd take care of you, wouldn't she? Right? You don't th
ink them fish just die when it gets to be winter, do ya?"
"You're goddam right they don't," Horwitz said, and drove off like a bat
out of hell. He was about the touchiest guy I ever met. Everything you said mad
e him sore.
Even though it was so late, old Ernie's was jampacked. Mostly with prep
school jerks and college jerks. Almost every damn school in the world gets out e
arlier for Christmas vacation than the schools I go to. You could hardly check y
our coat, it was so crowded. It was pretty quiet, though, because Ernie was play
- 632 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:03:14
- ing the piano. It was supposed to be something holy, for God's sake, when he sat
down at the piano. Nobody's that good. About three couples, besides me, were wa
iting for tables, and they were all shoving and standing on tiptoes to get a loo
k at old Ernie while he played. He had a big damn mirror in front of the piano,
with this big spotlight on him, so that everybody could watch his face while he
played. You couldn't see his fingers while he played--just his big old face. Big
deal. I'm not too sure what the name of the song was that he was playing when I
came in, but whatever it was, he was really stinking it up. He was putting all
these dumb, show-offy ripples in the high notes, and a lot of other very tricky
stuff that gives me a pain in the ass. You should've heard the crowd, though, wh
- 633 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:03:30
- en he was finished. You would've puked. They went mad. They were exactly the sam
e morons that laugh like hyenas in the movies at stuff that isn't funny. I swear
to God, if I were a piano player or an actor or something and all those dopes t
hought I was terrific, I'd hate it. I wouldn't even want them to clap for me. Pe
ople always clap for the wrong things. If I were a piano player, I'd play it in
the goddam closet. Anyway, when he was finished, and everybody was clapping thei
r heads off, old Ernie turned around on his stool and gave this very phony, humb
le bow. Like as if he was a helluva humble guy, besides being a terrific piano p
layer. It was very phony--I mean him being such a big snob and all. In a funny w
ay, though, I felt sort of sorry for him when he was finished. I don't even thin
- 634 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:03:45
- k he knows any more when he's playing right or not. It isn't all his fault. I pa
rtly blame all those dopes that clap their heads off--they'd foul up anybody, if
you gave them a chance. Anyway, it made me feel depressed and lousy again, and
I damn near got my coat back and went back to the hotel, but it was too early an
d I didn't feel much like being all alone.
They finally got me this stinking table, right up against a wall and beh
ind a goddam post, where you couldn't see anything. It was one of those tiny lit
tle tables that if the people at the next table don't get up to let you by--and
they never do, the bastards--you practically have to climb into your chair. I or
dered a Scotch and soda, which is my favorite drink, next to frozen Daiquiris. I
- 635 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:04:49
- f you were only around six years old, you could get liquor at Ernie's, the place
was so dark and all, and besides, nobody cared how old you were. You could even
be a dope fiend and nobody'd care.
I was surrounded by jerks. I'm not kidding. At this other tiny table, ri
ght to my left, practically on top of me, there was this funny-looking guy and t
his funny-looking girl. They were around my age, or maybe just a little older. I
t was funny. You could see they were being careful as hell not to drink up the m
inimum too fast. I listened to their conversation for a while, because I didn't
have anything else to do. He was telling her about some pro football game he'd s
een that afternoon. He gave her every single goddam play in the whole game--I'm
- 636 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:06:40
- not kidding. He was the most boring guy I ever listened to. And you could tell h
is date wasn't even interested in the goddam game, but she was even funnier-look
ing than he was, so I guess she had to listen. Real ugly girls have it tough. I
feel so sorry for them sometimes. Sometimes I can't even look at them, especiall
y if they're with some dopey guy that's telling them all about a goddam football
game. On my right, the conversation was even worse, though. On my right there w
as this very Joe Yale-looking guy, in a gray flannel suit and one of those flitt
y-looking Tattersall vests. All those Ivy League bastards look alike. My father
wants me to go to Yale, or maybe Princeton, but I swear, I wouldn't go to one of
those Ivy League colleges, if I was dying, for God's sake. Anyway, this Joe Yal
- 637 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:08:19
- e-looking guy had a terrific-looking girl with him. Boy, she was good-looking. B
ut you should've heard the conversation they were having. In the first place, th
ey were both slightly crocked. What he was doing, he was giving her a feel under
the table, and at the same time telling her all about some guy in his dorm that
had eaten a whole bottle of aspirin and nearly committed suicide. His date kept
saying to him, "How horrible . . . Don't, darling. Please, don't. Not here." Im
agine giving somebody a feel and telling them about a guy committing suicide at
the same time! They killed me.
I certainly began to feel like a prize horse's ass, though, sitting ther
e all by myself. There wasn't anything to do except smoke and drink. What I did
- 638 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:08:58
- do, though, I told the waiter to ask old Ernie if he'd care to join me for a dri
nk. I told him to tell him I was D.B.'s brother. I don't think he ever even gave
him my message, though. Those bastards never give your message to anybody.
All of a sudden, this girl came up to me and said, "Holden Caulfield!" H
er name was Lillian Simmons. My brother D.B. used to go around with her for a wh
ile. She had very big knockers.
"Hi," I said. I tried to get up, naturally, but it was some job getting
up, in a place like that. She had some Navy officer with her that looked like he
had a poker up his ass.
"How marvelous to see you!" old Lillian Simmons said. Strictly a phony.
- 639 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:10:17
- "How's your big brother?" That's all she really wanted to know.
"He's fine. He's in Hollywood."
"In Hollywood! How marvelous! What's he doing?"
"I don't know. Writing," I said. I didn't feel like discussing it. You c
ould tell she thought it was a big deal, his being in Hollywood. Almost everybod
y does. Mostly people who've never read any of his stories. It drives me crazy,
"How exciting," old Lillian said. Then she introduced me to the Navy guy
. His name was Commander Blop or something. He was one of those guys that think
they're being a pansy if they don't break around forty of your fingers when they
- 640 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:12:03
- shake hands with you. God, I hate that stuff. "Are you all alone, baby?" old Li
llian asked me. She was blocking up the whole goddam traffic in the aisle. You c
ould tell she liked to block up a lot of traffic. This waiter was waiting for he
r to move out of the way, but she didn't even notice him. It was funny. You coul
d tell the waiter didn't like her much, you could tell even the Navy guy didn't
like her much, even though he was dating her. And I didn't like her much. Nobody
did. You had to feel sort of sorry for her, in a way. "Don't you have a date, b
aby?" she asked me. I was standing up now, and she didn't even tell me to sit do
wn. She was the type that keeps you standing up for hours. "Isn't he handsome?"
she said to the Navy guy. "Holden, you're getting handsomer by the minute." The
- 641 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:13:53
- Navy guy told her to come on. He told her they were blocking up the whole aisle.
"Holden, come join us," old Lillian said. "Bring your drink."
"I was just leaving," I told her. "I have to meet somebody." You could t
ell she was just trying to get in good with me. So that I'd tell old D.B. about
"Well, you little so-and-so. All right for you. Tell your big brother I
hate him, when you see him."
Then she left. The Navy guy and I told each other we were glad to've met
each other. Which always kills me. I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to so
mebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say tha
- 642 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:14:54
- t stuff, though.
After I'd told her I had to meet somebody, I didn't have any goddam choi
ce except to leave. I couldn't even stick around to hear old Ernie play somethin
g halfway decent. But I certainly wasn't going to sit down at a table with old L
illian Simmons and that Navy guy and be bored to death. So I left. It made me ma
d, though, when I was getting my coat. People are always ruining things for you.
- 643 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:15:22
- I walked all the way back to the hotel. Forty-one gorgeous blocks. I did
n't do it because I felt like walking or anything. It was more because I didn't
feel like getting in and out of another taxicab. Sometimes you get tired of ridi
ng in taxicabs the same way you get tired riding in elevators. All of a sudden,
you have to walk, no matter how far or how high up. When I was a kid, I used to
walk all the way up to our apartment very frequently. Twelve stories.
You wouldn't even have known it had snowed at all. There was hardly any
snow on the sidewalks. But it was freezing cold, and I took my red hunting hat o
ut of my pocket and put it on--I didn't give a damn how I looked. I even put the
earlaps down. I wished I knew who'd swiped my gloves at Pencey, because my hand
- 644 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:16:05
- s were freezing. Not that I'd have done much about it even if I had known. I'm o
ne of these very yellow guys. I try not to show it, but I am. For instance, if I
'd found out at Pencey who'd stolen my gloves, I probably would've gone down to
the crook's room and said, "Okay. How 'bout handing over those gloves?" Then the
crook that had stolen them probably would've said, his voice very innocent and
all, "What gloves?" Then what I probably would've done, I'd have gone in his clo
set and found the gloves somewhere. Hidden in his goddam galoshes or something,
for instance. I'd have taken them out and showed them to the guy and said, "I su
ppose these are your goddam gloves?" Then the crook probably would've given me t
his very phony, innocent look, and said, "I never saw those gloves before in my
- 645 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:16:58
- life. If they're yours, take 'em. I don't want the goddam things." Then I probab
ly would've just stood there for about five minutes. I'd have the damn gloves ri
ght in my hand and all, but I'd feel I ought to sock the guy in the jaw or somet
hing--break his goddam jaw. Only, I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I'd just st
and there, trying to look tough. What I might do, I might say something very cut
ting and snotty, to rile him up--instead of socking him in the jaw. Anyway if I
did say something very cutting and snotty, he'd probably get up and come over to
me and say, "Listen, Caulfield. Are you calling me a crook?" Then, instead of s
aying, "You're goddam right I am, you dirty crooked bastard!" all I probably wou
ld've said would be, "All I know is my goddam gloves were in your goddam galoshe
- 646 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:19:32
- s." Right away then, the guy would know for sure that I wasn't going to take a s
ock at him, and he probably would've said, "Listen. Let's get this straight. Are
you calling me a thief?" Then I probably would've said, "Nobody's calling anybo
dy a thief. All I know is my gloves were in your goddam galoshes." It could go o
n like that for hours. Finally, though, I'd leave his room without even taking a
sock at him. I'd probably go down to the can and sneak a cigarette and watch my
self getting tough in the mirror. Anyway, that's what I thought about the whole
way back to the hotel. It's no fun to he yellow. Maybe I'm not all yellow. I don
't know. I think maybe I'm just partly yellow and partly the type that doesn't g
ive much of a damn if they lose their gloves. One of my troubles is, I never car
- 647 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:20:47
- e too much when I lose something--it used to drive my mother crazy when I was a
kid. Some guys spend days looking for something they lost. I never seem to have
anything that if I lost it I'd care too much. Maybe that's why I'm partly yellow
. It's no excuse, though. It really isn't. What you should be is not yellow at a
ll. If you're supposed to sock somebody in the jaw, and you sort of feel like do
ing it, you should do it. I'm just no good at it, though. I'd rather push a guy
out the window or chop his head off with an ax than sock him in the jaw. I hate
fist fights. I don't mind getting hit so much--although I'm not crazy about it,
naturally--but what scares me most in a fist fight is the guy's face. I can't st
and looking at the other guy's face, is my trouble. It wouldn't be so bad if you
- 648 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:22:50
- could both be blindfolded or something. It's a funny kind of yellowness, when y
ou come to think of it, but it's yellowness, all right. I'm not kidding myself.
The more I thought about my gloves and my yellowness, the more depressed
I got, and I decided, while I was walking and all, to stop off and have a drink
somewhere. I'd only had three drinks at Ernie's, and I didn't even finish the l
ast one. One thing I have, it's a terrific capacity. I can drink all night and n
ot even show it, if I'm in the mood. Once, at the Whooton School, this other boy
, Raymond Goldfarb, and I bought a pint of Scotch and drank it in the chapel one
Saturday night, where nobody'd see us. He got stinking, but I hardly didn't eve
n show it. I just got very cool and nonchalant. I puked before I went to bed, bu
- 649 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:23:09
- t I didn't really have to--I forced myself.
Anyway, before I got to the hotel, I started to go in this dumpy-looking
bar, but two guys came out, drunk as hell, and wanted to know where the subway
was. One of them was this very Cuban-looking guy, and he kept breathing his stin
king breath in my face while I gave him directions. I ended up not even going in
the damn bar. I just went back to the hotel.
The whole lobby was empty. It smelled like fifty million dead cigars. It
really did. I wasn't sleepy or anything, but I was feeling sort of lousy. Depre
ssed and all. I almost wished I was dead.
Then, all of a sudden, I got in this big mess.
- 650 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:24:17
- The first thing when I got in the elevator, the elevator guy said to me,
"Innarested in having a good time, fella? Or is it too late for you?"
"How do you mean?" I said. I didn't know what he was driving at or anyth
"Innarested in a little tail t'night?"
"Me?" I said. Which was a very dumb answer, but it's quite embarrassing
when somebody comes right up and asks you a question like that.
"How old are you, chief?" the elevator guy said.
"Why?" I said. "Twenty-two."
"Uh huh. Well, how 'bout it? Y'innarested? Five bucks a throw. Fifteen b
- 651 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:24:31
- ucks the whole night." He looked at his wrist watch. "Till noon. Five bucks a th
row, fifteen bucks till noon."
"Okay," I said. It was against my principles and all, but I was feeling
so depressed I didn't even think. That's the whole trouble. When you're feeling
very depressed, you can't even think.
"Okay what? A throw, or till noon? I gotta know."
"Just a throw."
"Okay, what room ya in?"
I looked at the red thing with my number on it, on my key. "Twelve twent
y-two," I said. I was already sort of sorry I'd let the thing start rolling, but
- 652 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:25:06
- it was too late now.
"Okay. I'll send a girl up in about fifteen minutes." He opened the door
s and I got out.
"Hey, is she good-looking?" I asked him. "I don't want any old bag."
"No old bag. Don't worry about it, chief."
"Who do I pay?"
"Her," he said. "Let's go, chief." He shut the doors, practically right
in my face.
I went to my room and put some water on my hair, but you can't really co
mb a crew cut or anything. Then I tested to see if my breath stank from so many
- 653 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:26:12
- cigarettes and the Scotch and sodas I drank at Ernie's. All you do is hold your
hand under your mouth and blow your breath up toward the old nostrils. It didn't
seem to stink much, but I brushed my teeth anyway. Then I put on another clean
shirt. I knew I didn't have to get all dolled up for a prostitute or anything, b
ut it sort of gave me something to do. I was a little nervous. I was starting to
feel pretty sexy and all, but I was a little nervous anyway. If you want to kno
w the truth, I'm a virgin. I really am. I've had quite a few opportunities to lo
se my virginity and all, but I've never got around to it yet. Something always h
appens. For instance, if you're at a girl's house, her parents always come home
at the wrong time--or you're afraid they will. Or if you're in the back seat of
- 654 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:27:06
- somebody's car, there's always somebody's date in the front seat--some girl, I m
ean--that always wants to know what's going on all over the whole goddam car. I
mean some girl in front keeps turning around to see what the hell's going on. An
yway, something always happens. I came quite close to doing it a couple of times
, though. One time in particular, I remember. Something went wrong, though --I d
on't even remember what any more. The thing is, most of the time when you're com
ing pretty close to doing it with a girl--a girl that isn't a prostitute or anyt
hing, I mean--she keeps telling you to stop. The trouble with me is, I stop. Mos
t guys don't. I can't help it. You never know whether they really want you to st
op, or whether they're just scared as hell, or whether they're just telling you
- 655 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:27:26
- to stop so that if you do go through with it, the blame'll be on you, not them.
Anyway, I keep stopping. The trouble is, I get to feeling sorry for them. I mean
most girls are so dumb and all. After you neck them for a while, you can really
watch them losing their brains. You take a girl when she really gets passionate
, she just hasn't any brains. I don't know. They tell me to stop, so I stop. I a
lways wish I hadn't, after I take them home, but I keep doing it anyway.
Anyway, while I was putting on another clean shirt, I sort of figured th
is was my big chance, in a way. I figured if she was a prostitute and all, I cou
ld get in some practice on her, in case I ever get married or anything. I worry
about that stuff sometimes. I read this book once, at the Whooton School, that h
- 656 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:27:45
- ad this very sophisticated, suave, sexy guy in it. Monsieur Blanchard was his na
me, I can still remember. It was a lousy book, but this Blanchard guy was pretty
good. He had this big ch?teau and all on the Riviera, in Europe, and all he did
in his spare time was beat women off with a club. He was a real rake and all, b
ut he knocked women out. He said, in this one part, that a woman's body is like
a violin and all, and that it takes a terrific musician to play it right. It was
a very corny book--I realize that--but I couldn't get that violin stuff out of
my mind anyway. In a way, that's why I sort of wanted to get some practice in, i
n case I ever get married. Caulfield and his Magic Violin, boy. It's corny, I re
alize, but it isn't too corny. I wouldn't mind being pretty good at that stuff.
- 657 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:28:18
- Half the time, if you really want to know the truth, when I'm horsing around wit
h a girl, I have a helluva lot of trouble just finding what I'm looking for, for
God's sake, if you know what I mean. Take this girl that I just missed having s
exual intercourse with, that I told you about. It took me about an hour to just
get her goddam brassiere off. By the time I did get it off, she was about ready
to spit in my eye.
Anyway, I kept walking around the room, waiting for this prostitute to s
how up. I kept hoping she'd be good-looking. I didn't care too much, though. I s
ort of just wanted to get it over with. Finally, somebody knocked on the door, a
nd when I went to open it, I had my suitcase right in the way and I fell over it
- 658 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:28:38
- and damn near broke my knee. I always pick a gorgeous time to fall over a suitc
ase or something.
When I opened the door, this prostitute was standing there. She had a po
lo coat on, and no hat. She was sort of a blonde, but you could tell she dyed he
r hair. She wasn't any old bag, though. "How do you do," I said. Suave as hell,
"You the guy Maurice said?" she asked me. She didn't seem too goddam fri
"Is he the elevator boy?"
"Yeah," she said.
- 659 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:28:51
- "Yes, I am. Come in, won't you?" I said. I was getting more and more non
chalant as it went along. I really was.
She came in and took her coat off right away and sort of chucked it on t
he bed. She had on a green dress underneath. Then she sort of sat down sideways
on the chair that went with the desk in the room and started jiggling her foot u
p and down. She crossed her legs and started jiggling this one foot up and down.
She was very nervous, for a prostitute. She really was. I think it was because
she was young as hell. She was around my age. I sat down in the big chair, next
to her, and offered her a cigarette. "I don't smoke," she said. She had a tiny l
ittle wheeny-whiny voice. You could hardly hear her. She never said thank you, e
- 660 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:29:36
- ither, when you offered her something. She just didn't know any better.
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jim Steele," I said.
"Ya got a watch on ya?" she said. She didn't care what the hell my name
was, naturally. "Hey, how old are you, anyways?"
"Like fun you are."
It was a funny thing to say. It sounded like a real kid. You'd think a p
rostitute and all would say "Like hell you are" or "Cut the crap" instead of "Li
ke fun you are."
"How old are you?" I asked her.
- 661 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:30:03
- "Old enough to know better," she said. She was really witty. "Ya got a w
atch on ya?" she asked me again, and then she stood up and pulled her dress over
I certainly felt peculiar when she did that. I mean she did it so sudden
and all. I know you're supposed to feel pretty sexy when somebody gets up and p
ulls their dress over their head, but I didn't. Sexy was about the last thing I
was feeling. I felt much more depressed than sexy.
"Ya got a watch on ya, hey?"
"No. No, I don't," I said. Boy, was I feeling peculiar. "What's your nam
e?" I asked her. All she had on was this pink slip. It was really quite embarras
- 662 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:31:06
- sing. It really was.
"Sunny," she said. "Let's go, hey."
"Don't you feel like talking for a while?" I asked her. It was a childis
h thing to say, but I was feeling so damn peculiar. "Are you in a very big hurry
She looked at me like I was a madman. "What the heck ya wanna talk about
?" she said.
"I don't know. Nothing special. I just thought perhaps you might care to
chat for a while."
She sat down in the chair next to the desk again. She didn't like it, th
- 663 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:32:02
- ough, you could tell. She started jiggling her foot again--boy, she was a nervou
"Would you care for a cigarette now?" I said. I forgot she didn't smoke.
"I don't smoke. Listen, if you're gonna talk, do it. I got things to do.
I couldn't think of anything to talk about, though. I thought of asking
her how she got to be a prostitute and all, but I was scared to ask her. She pro
bably wouldn't've told me anyway.
"You don't come from New York, do you?" I said finally. That's all I cou
ld think of.
- 664 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:37:28
- "Hollywood," she said. Then she got up and went over to where she'd put
her dress down, on the bed. "Ya got a hanger? I don't want to get my dress all w
rinkly. It's brand-clean."
"Sure," I said right away. I was only too glad to get up and do somethin
g. I took her dress over to the closet and hung it up for her. It was funny. It
made me feel sort of sad when I hung it up. I thought of her going in a store an
d buying it, and nobody in the store knowing she was a prostitute and all. The s
alesman probably just thought she was a regular girl when she bought it. It made
me feel sad as hell--I don't know why exactly.
I sat down again and tried to keep the old conversation going. She was a
- 665 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:38:39
- lousy conversationalist. "Do you work every night?" I asked her--it sounded sor
t of awful, after I'd said it.
"Yeah." She was walking all around the room. She picked up the menu off
the desk and read it.
"What do you do during the day?"
She sort of shrugged her shoulders. She was pretty skinny. "Sleep. Go to
the show." She put down the menu and looked at me. "Let's go, hey. I haven't go
"Look," I said. "I don't feel very much like myself tonight. I've had a
rough night. Honest to God. I'll pay you and all, but do you mind very much if w
- 666 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:39:34
- e don't do it? Do you mind very much?" The trouble was, I just didn't want to do
it. I felt more depressed than sexy, if you want to know the truth. She was dep
ressing. Her green dress hanging in the closet and all. And besides, I don't thi
nk I could ever do it with somebody that sits in a stupid movie all day long. I
really don't think I could.
She came over to me, with this funny look on her face, like as if she di
dn't believe me. "What'sa matter?" she said.
"Nothing's the matter." Boy, was I getting nervous. "The thing is, I had
an operation very recently."
- 667 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:40:36
- "On my wuddayacallit--my clavichord."
"Yeah? Where the hell's that?"
"The clavichord?" I said. "Well, actually, it's in the spinal canal. I m
ean it's quite a ways down in the spinal canal."
"Yeah?" she said. "That's tough." Then she sat down on my goddam lap. "Y
She made me so nervous, I just kept on lying my head off. "I'm still rec
uperating," I told her.
"You look like a guy in the movies. You know. Whosis. You know who I mea
n. What the heck's his name?"
- 668 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:41:13
- "I don't know," I said. She wouldn't get off my goddam lap.
"Sure you know. He was in that pitcher with Mel-vine Douglas? The one th
at was Mel-vine Douglas's kid brother? That falls off this boat? You know who I
"No, I don't. I go to the movies as seldom as I can."
Then she started getting funny. Crude and all.
"Do you mind cutting it out?" I said. "I'm not in the mood, I just told
you. I just had an operation."
She didn't get up from my lap or anything, but she gave me this terrific
ally dirty look. "Listen," she said. "I was sleepin' when that crazy Maurice wok
- 669 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:42:19
- said, very cold, "Do you mind getting me my frock? Or would it be too much trou
ble?" She was a pretty spooky kid. Even with that little bitty voice she had, sh
e could sort of scare you a little bit. If she'd been a big old prostitute, with
a lot of makeup on her face and all, she wouldn't have been half as spooky.
I went and got her dress for her. She put it on and all, and then she pi
cked up her polo coat off the bed. "So long, crumb-bum," she said.
"So long," I said. I didn't thank her or anything. I'm glad I didn't.
- 670 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:43:19
After Old Sunny was gone, I sat in the chair for a while and smoked a co
uple of cigarettes. It was getting daylight outside. Boy, I felt miserable. I fe
lt so depressed, you can't imagine. What I did, I started talking, sort of out l
oud, to Allie. I do that sometimes when I get very depressed. I keep telling him
to go home and get his bike and meet me in front of Bobby Fallon's house. Bobby
Fallon used to live quite near us in Maine--this is, years ago. Anyway, what ha
ppened was, one day Bobby and I were going over to Lake Sedebego on our bikes. W
e were going to take our lunches and all, and our BB guns--we were kids and all,
and we thought we could shoot something with our BB guns. Anyway, Allie heard u
- 671 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:43:34
- s talking about it, and he wanted to go, and I wouldn't let him. I told him he w
as a child. So once in a while, now, when I get very depressed, I keep saying to
him, "Okay. Go home and get your bike and meet me in front of Bobby's house. Hu
rry up." It wasn't that I didn't use to take him with me when I went somewhere.
I did. But that one day, I didn't. He didn't get sore about it--he never got sor
e about anything-- but I keep thinking about it anyway, when I get very depresse
Finally, though, I got undressed and got in bed. I felt like praying or
something, when I was in bed, but I couldn't do it. I can't always pray when I f
eel like it. In the first place, I'm sort of an atheist. I like Jesus and all, b
- 672 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:44:16
- ut I don't care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible. Take the Disc
iples, for instance. They annoy the hell out of me, if you want to know the trut
h. They were all right after Jesus was dead and all, but while He was alive, the
y were about as much use to Him as a hole in the head. All they did was keep let
ting Him down. I like almost anybody in the Bible better than the Disciples. If
you want to know the truth, the guy I like best in the Bible, next to Jesus, was
that lunatic and all, that lived in the tombs and kept cutting himself with sto
nes. I like him ten times as much as the Disciples, that poor bastard. I used to
get in quite a few arguments about it, when I was at Whooton School, with this
boy that lived down the corridor, Arthur Childs. Old Childs was a Quaker and all
- 673 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:44:32
- , and he read the Bible all the time. He was a very nice kid, and I liked him, b
ut I could never see eye to eye with him on a lot of stuff in the Bible, especia
lly the Disciples. He kept telling me if I didn't like the Disciples, then I did
n't like Jesus and all. He said that because Jesus picked the Disciples, you wer
e supposed to like them. I said I knew He picked them, but that He picked them a
t random. I said He didn't have time to go around analyzing everybody. I said I
wasn't blaming Jesus or anything. It wasn't His fault that He didn't have any ti
me. I remember I asked old Childs if he thought Judas, the one that betrayed Jes
us and all, went to Hell after he committed suicide. Childs said certainly. That
's exactly where I disagreed with him. I said I'd bet a thousand bucks that Jesu
- 674 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:45:23
- s never sent old Judas to Hell. I still would, too, if I had a thousand bucks. I
think any one of the Disciples would've sent him to Hell and all--and fast, too
--but I'll bet anything Jesus didn't do it. Old Childs said the trouble with me
was that I didn't go to church or anything. He was right about that, in a way. I
don't. In the first place, my parents are different religions, and all the chil
dren in our family are atheists. If you want to know the truth, I can't even sta
nd ministers. The ones they've had at every school I've gone to, they all have t
hese Holy Joe voices when they start giving their sermons. God, I hate that. I d
on't see why the hell they can't talk in their natural voice. They sound so phon
y when they talk.
- 675 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:46:40
- Anyway, when I was in bed, I couldn't pray worth a damn. Every time I go
t started, I kept picturing old Sunny calling me a crumb-bum. Finally, I sat up
in bed and smoked another cigarette. It tasted lousy. I must've smoked around tw
o packs since I left Pencey.
All of a sudden, while I was laying there smoking, somebody knocked on t
he door. I kept hoping it wasn't my door they were knocking on, but I knew damn
well it was. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. I knew who it was, too. I'm ps
"Who's there?" I said. I was pretty scared. I'm very yellow about those
- 676 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:48:21
- They just knocked again, though. Louder.
Finally I got out of bed, with just my pajamas on, and opened the door.
I didn't even have to turn the light on in the room, because it was already dayl
ight. Old Sunny and Maurice, the pimpy elevator guy, were standing there.
"What's the matter? Wuddaya want?" I said. Boy, my voice was shaking lik
"Nothin' much," old Maurice said. "Just five bucks." He did all the talk
ing for the two of them. Old Sunny just stood there next to him, with her mouth
open and all.
"I paid her already. I gave her five bucks. Ask her," I said. Boy, was m
- 677 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:50:19
- y voice shaking.
"It's ten bucks, chief. I tole ya that. Ten bucks for a throw, fifteen b
ucks till noon. I tole ya that."
"You did not tell me that. You said five bucks a throw. You said fifteen
bucks till noon, all right, but I distinctly heard you--"
"Open up, chief."
"What for?" I said. God, my old heart was damn near beating me out of th
e room. I wished I was dressed at least. It's terrible to be just in your pajama
s when something like that happens.
"Let's go, chief," old Maurice said. Then he gave me a big shove with hi
- 678 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:51:47
- g all over the place. "You're trying to chisel me."
Old Maurice unbuttoned his whole uniform coat. All he had on underneath
was a phony shirt collar, but no shirt or anything. He had a big fat hairy stoma
ch. "Nobody's tryna chisel nobody," he said. "Let's have it, chief."
When I said that, he got up from his chair and started walking towards m
e and all. He looked like he was very, very tired or very, very bored. God, was
I scared. I sort of had my arms folded, I remember. It wouldn't have been so bad
, I don't think, if I hadn't had just my goddam pajamas on.
"Let's have it, chief." He came right up to where I was standing. That's
- 679 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:53:08
- all he could say. "Let's have it, chief." He was a real moron.
"Chief, you're gonna force me inna roughin' ya up a little bit. I don't
wanna do it, but that's the way it looks," he said. "You owe us five bucks."
"I don't owe you five bucks," I said. "If you rough me up, I'll yell lik
e hell. I'll wake up everybody in the hotel. The police and all." My voice was s
haking like a bastard.
"Go ahead. Yell your goddam head off. Fine," old Maurice said. "Want you
r parents to know you spent the night with a whore? High-class kid like you?" He
was pretty sharp, in his crumby way. He really was.
- 680 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/24(土) 12:54:06
- "Leave me alone. If you'd said ten, it'd be different. But you distinctl
"Are ya gonna let us have it?" He had me right up against the damn door.
He was almost standing on top of me, his crumby old hairy stomach and all.
"Leave me alone. Get the hell out of my room," I said. I still had my ar
ms folded and all. God, what a jerk I was.
Then Sunny said something for the first time. "Hey, Maurice. Want me to
get his wallet?" she said. "It's right on the wutchamacallit."
"Yeah, get it."
"Leave my wallet alone!"
- 681 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:53:10
- each other's guts by that time. You could see there wasn't any sense trying to h
ave an intelligent conversation. I was sorry as hell I'd started it.
"C'mon, let's get outa here," I said. "You give me a royal pain in the a
ss, if you want to know the truth."
Boy, did she hit the ceiling when I said that. I know I shouldn't've sai
d it, and I probably wouldn't've ordinarily, but she was depressing the hell out
of me. Usually I never say crude things like that to girls. Boy, did she hit th
e ceiling. I apologized like a madman, but she wouldn't accept my apology. She w
as even crying. Which scared me a little bit, because I was a little afraid she'
d go home and tell her father I called her a pain in the ass. Her father was one
- 682 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:53:35
- of those big silent bastards, and he wasn't too crazy about me anyhow. He once
told old Sally I was too goddam noisy.
"No kidding. I'm sorry," I kept telling her.
"You're sorry. You're sorry. That's very funny," she said. She was still
sort of crying, and all of a sudden I did feel sort of sorry I'd said it.
"C'mon, I'll take ya home. No kidding."
"I can go home by myself, thank you. If you think I'd let you take me ho
me, you're mad. No boy ever said that to me in my entire life."
The whole thing was sort of funny, in a way, if you thought about it, an
d all of a sudden I did something I shouldn't have. I laughed. And I have one of
- 683 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:54:03
- these very loud, stupid laughs. I mean if I ever sat behind myself in a movie o
r something, I'd probably lean over and tell myself to please shut up. It made o
ld Sally madder than ever.
I stuck around for a while, apologizing and trying to get her to excuse
me, but she wouldn't. She kept telling me to go away and leave her alone. So fin
ally I did it. I went inside and got my shoes and stuff, and left without her. I
shouldn't've, but I was pretty goddam fed up by that time.
If you want to know the truth, I don't even know why I started all that
stuff with her. I mean about going away somewhere, to Massachusetts and Vermont
and all. I probably wouldn't've taken her even if she'd wanted to go with me. Sh
- 684 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:54:27
- e wouldn't have been anybody to go with. The terrible part, though, is that I me
ant it when I asked her. That's the terrible part. I swear to God I'm a madman.
When I left the skating rink I felt sort of hungry, so I went in this dr
ugstore and had a Swiss cheese sandwich and a malted, and then I went in a phone
booth. I thought maybe I might give old Jane another buzz and see if she was ho
me yet. I mean I had the whole evening free, and I thought I'd give her a buzz a
- 685 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:54:59
- nd, if she was home yet, take her dancing or something somewhere. I never danced
with her or anything the whole time I knew her. I saw her dancing once, though.
She looked like a very good dancer. It was at this Fourth of July dance at the
club. I didn't know her too well then, and I didn't think I ought to cut in on h
er date. She was dating this terrible guy, Al Pike, that went to Choate. I didn'
t know him too well, but he was always hanging around the swimming pool. He wore
those white Lastex kind of swimming trunks, and he was always going off the hig
h dive. He did the same lousy old half gainer all day long. It was the only dive
he could do, but he thought he was very hot stuff. All muscles and no brains. A
nyway, that's who Jane dated that night. I couldn't understand it. I swear I cou
- 686 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:56:03
- ldn't. After we started going around together, I asked her how come she could da
te a showoff bastard like Al Pike. Jane said he wasn't a show-off. She said he h
ad an inferiority complex. She acted like she felt sorry for him or something, a
nd she wasn't just putting it on. She meant it. It's a funny thing about girls.
Every time you mention some guy that's strictly a bastard--very mean, or very co
nceited and all--and when you mention it to the girl, she'll tell you he has an
inferiority complex. Maybe he has, but that still doesn't keep him from being a
bastard, in my opinion. Girls. You never know what they're going to think. I onc
e got this girl Roberta Walsh's roommate a date with a friend of mine. His name
was Bob Robinson and he really had an inferiority complex. You could tell he was
- 687 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:56:30
- very ashamed of his parents and all, because they said "he don't" and "she don'
t" and stuff like that and they weren't very wealthy. But he wasn't a bastard or
anything. He was a very nice guy. But this Roberta Walsh's roommate didn't like
him at all. She told Roberta he was too conceited--and the reason she thought h
e was conceited was because he happened to mention to her that he was captain of
the debating team. A little thing like that, and she thought he was conceited!
The trouble with girls is, if they like a boy, no matter how big a bastard he is
, they'll say he has an inferiority complex, and if they don't like him, no matt
er how nice a guy he is, or how big an inferiority complex he has, they'll say h
e's conceited. Even smart girls do it.
- 688 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:56:47
- Anyway, I gave old Jane a buzz again, but her phone didn't answer, so I
had to hang up. Then I had to look through my address book to see who the hell m
ight be available for the evening. The trouble was, though, my address book only
has about three people in it. Jane, and this man, Mr. Antolini, that was my tea
cher at Elkton Hills, and my father's office number. I keep forgetting to put pe
ople's names in. So what I did finally, I gave old Carl Luce a buzz. He graduate
d from the Whooton School after I left. He was about three years older than I wa
s, and I didn't like him too much, but he was one of these very intellectual guy
s-- he had the highest I.Q. of any boy at Whooton--and I thought he might want t
o have dinner with me somewhere and have a slightly intellectual conversation. H
- 689 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:57:03
- e was very enlightening sometimes. So I gave him a buzz. He went to Columbia now
, but he lived on 65th Street and all, and I knew he'd be home. When I got him o
n the phone, he said he couldn't make it for dinner but that he'd meet me for a
drink at ten o'clock at the Wicker Bar, on 54th. I think he was pretty surprised
to hear from me. I once called him a fat-assed phony.
I had quite a bit of time to kill till ten o'clock, so what I did, I wen
t to the movies at Radio City. It was probably the worst thing I could've done,
but it was near, and I couldn't think of anything else.
I came in when the goddam stage show was on. The Rockettes were kicking
their heads off, the way they do when they're all in line with their arms around
- 690 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:57:30
- each other's waist. The audience applauded like mad, and some guy behind me kep
t saying to his wife, "You know what that is? That's precision." He killed me. T
hen, after the Rockettes, a guy came out in a tuxedo and roller skates on, and s
tarted skating under a bunch of little tables, and telling jokes while he did it
. He was a very good skater and all, but I couldn't enjoy it much because I kept
picturing him practicing to be a guy that roller-skates on the stage. It seemed
so stupid. I guess I just wasn't in the right mood. Then, after him, they had t
his Christmas thing they have at Radio City every year. All these angels start c
oming out of the boxes and everywhere, guys carrying crucifixes and stuff all ov
er the place, and the whole bunch of them--thousands of them--singing "Come All
- 691 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:57:49
- Ye Faithful!" like mad. Big deal. It's supposed to be religious as hell, I know,
and very pretty and all, but I can't see anything religious or pretty, for God'
s sake, about a bunch of actors carrying crucifixes all over the stage. When the
y were all finished and started going out the boxes again, you could tell they c
ould hardly wait to get a cigarette or something. I saw it with old Sally Hayes
the year before, and she kept saying how beautiful it was, the costumes and all.
I said old Jesus probably would've puked if He could see it--all those fancy co
stumes and all. Sally said I was a sacrilegious atheist. I probably am. The thin
g Jesus really would've liked would be the guy that plays the kettle drums in th
e orchestra. I've watched that guy since I was about eight years old. My brother
- 692 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:58:11
- Allie and I, if we were with our parents and all, we used to move our seats and
go way down so we could watch him. He's the best drummer I ever saw. He only ge
ts a chance to bang them a couple of times during a whole piece, but he never lo
oks bored when he isn't doing it. Then when he does bang them, he does it so nic
e and sweet, with this nervous expression on his face. One time when we went to
Washington with my father, Allie sent him a postcard, but I'll bet he never got
it. We weren't too sure how to address it.
After the Christmas thing was over, the goddam picture started. It was s
o putrid I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was about this English guy, Alec som
ething, that was in the war and loses his memory in the hospital and all. He com
- 693 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:58:47
- es out of the hospital carrying a cane and limping all over the place, all over
London, not knowing who the hell he is. He's really a duke, but he doesn't know
it. Then he meets this nice, homey, sincere girl getting on a bus. Her goddam ha
t blows off and he catches it, and then they go upstairs and sit down and start
talking about Charles Dickens. He's both their favorite author and all. He's car
rying this copy of Oliver Twist and so's she. I could've puked. Anyway, they fel
l in love right away, on account of they're both so nuts about Charles Dickens a
nd all, and he helps her run her publishing business. She's a publisher, the gir
l. Only, she's not doing so hot, because her brother's a drunkard and he spends
all their dough. He's a very bitter guy, the brother, because he was a doctor in
- 694 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:59:04
- the war and now he can't operate any more because his nerves are shot, so he bo
ozes all the time, but he's pretty witty and all. Anyway, old Alec writes a book
, and this girl publishes it, and they both make a hatful of dough on it. They'r
e all set to get married when this other girl, old Marcia, shows up. Marcia was
Alec's fianc?e before he lost his memory, and she recognizes him when he's in th
is store autographing books. She tells old Alec he's really a duke and all, but
he doesn't believe her and doesn't want to go with her to visit his mother and a
ll. His mother's blind as a bat. But the other girl, the homey one, makes him go
. She's very noble and all. So he goes. But he still doesn't get his memory back
, even when his great Dane jumps all over him and his mother sticks her fingers
- 695 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:59:19
- all over his face and brings him this teddy bear he used to slobber around with
when he was a kid. But then, one day, some kids are playing cricket on the lawn
and he gets smacked in the head with a cricket ball. Then right away he gets his
goddam memory back and he goes in and kisses his mother on the forehead and all
. Then he starts being a regular duke again, and he forgets all about the homey
babe that has the publishing business. I'd tell you the rest of the story, but I
might puke if I did. It isn't that I'd spoil it for you or anything. There isn'
t anything to spoil for Chrissake. Anyway, it ends up with Alec and the homey ba
be getting married, and the brother that's a drunkard gets his nerves back and o
perates on Alec's mother so she can see again, and then the drunken brother and
- 696 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 07:59:47
- old Marcia go for each other. It ends up with everybody at this long dinner tabl
e laughing their asses off because the great Dane comes in with a bunch of puppi
es. Everybody thought it was a male, I suppose, or some goddam thing. All I can
say is, don't see it if you don't want to puke all over yourself.
The part that got me was, there was a lady sitting next to me that cried
all through the goddam picture. The phonier it got, the more she cried. You'd h
ave thought she did it because she was kindhearted as hell, but I was sitting ri
ght next to her, and she wasn't. She had this little kid with her that was bored
as hell and had to go to the bathroom, but she wouldn't take him. She kept tell
ing him to sit still and behave himself. She was about as kindhearted as a godda
- 697 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:00:47
- m wolf. You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phony stuff in t
he movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart. I'm not kid
After the movie was over, I started walking down to the Wicker Bar, wher
e I was supposed to meet old Carl Luce, and while I walked I sort of thought abo
ut war and all. Those war movies always do that to me. I don't think I could sta
nd it if I had to go to war. I really couldn't. It wouldn't be too bad if they'd
just take you out and shoot you or something, but you have to stay in the Army
so goddam long. That's the whole trouble. My brother D.B. was in the Army for fo
ur goddam years. He was in the war, too--he landed on D-Day and all--but I reall
- 698 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:02:02
- y think he hated the Army worse than the war. I was practically a child at the t
ime, but I remember when he used to come home on furlough and all, all he did wa
s lie on his bed, practically. He hardly ever even came in the living room. Late
r, when he went overseas and was in the war and all, he didn't get wounded or an
ything and he didn't have to shoot anybody. All he had to do was drive some cowb
oy general around all day in a command car. He once told Allie and I that if he'
d had to shoot anybody, he wouldn't've known which direction to shoot in. He sai
d the Army was practically as full of bastards as the Nazis were. I remember All
ie once asked him wasn't it sort of good that he was in the war because he was a
writer and it gave him a lot to write about and all. He made Allie go get his b
- 699 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:02:30
- aseball mitt and then he asked him who was the best war poet, Rupert Brooke or E
mily Dickinson. Allie said Emily Dickinson. I don't know too much about it mysel
f, because I don't read much poetry, but I do know it'd drive me crazy if I had
to be in the Army and be with a bunch of guys like Ackley and Stradlater and old
Maurice all the time, marching with them and all. I was in the Boy Scouts once,
for about a week, and I couldn't even stand looking at the back of the guy's ne
ck in front of me. They kept telling you to look at the back of the guy's neck i
n front of you. I swear if there's ever another war, they better just take me ou
t and stick me in front of a firing squad. I wouldn't object. What gets me about
D.B., though, he hated the war so much, and yet he got me to read this book A F
- 700 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:04:36
- arewell to Arms last summer. He said it was so terrific. That's what I can't und
erstand. It had this guy in it named Lieutenant Henry that was supposed to be a
nice guy and all. I don't see how D.B. could hate the Army and war and all so mu
ch and still like a phony like that. I mean, for instance, I don't see how he co
uld like a phony book like that and still like that one by Ring Lardner, or that
other one he's so crazy about, The Great Gatsby. D.B. got sore when I said that
, and said I was too young and all to appreciate it, but I don't think so. I tol
d him I liked Ring Lardner and The Great Gatsby and all. I did, too. I was crazy
about The Great Gatsby. Old Gatsby. Old sport. That killed me. Anyway, I'm sort
of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm
- 701 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:04:56
- going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God
In case you don't live in New York, the Wicker Bar is in this sort of sw
anky hotel, the Seton Hotel. I used to go there quite a lot, but I don't any mor
e. I gradually cut it out. It's one of those places that are supposed to be very
sophisticated and all, and the phonies are coming in the window. They used to h
- 702 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:05:13
- ave these two French babes, Tina and Janine, come out and play the piano and sin
g about three times every night. One of them played the piano--strictly lousy--a
nd the other one sang, and most of the songs were either pretty dirty or in Fren
ch. The one that sang, old Janine, was always whispering into the goddam microph
one before she sang. She'd say, "And now we like to geeve you our impression of
Vooly Voo Fransay. Eet ees the story of a leetle Fransh girl who comes to a beeg
ceety, just like New York, and falls een love wees a leetle boy from Brookleen.
We hope you like eet." Then, when she was all done whispering and being cute as
hell, she'd sing some dopey song, half in English and half in French, and drive
all the phonies in the place mad with joy. If you sat around there long enough
- 703 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:05:32
- and heard all the phonies applauding and all, you got to hate everybody in the w
orld, I swear you did. The bartender was a louse, too. He was a big snob. He did
n't talk to you at all hardly unless you were a big shot or a celebrity or somet
hing. If you were a big shot or a celebrity or something, then he was even more
nauseating. He'd go up to you and say, with this big charming smile, like he was
a helluva swell guy if you knew him, "Well! How's Connecticut?" or "How's Flori
da?" It was a terrible place, I'm not kidding. I cut out going there entirely, g
It was pretty early when I got there. I sat down at the bar--it was pret
ty crowded--and had a couple of Scotch and sodas before old Luce even showed up.
- 704 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:05:54
- I stood up when I ordered them so they could see how tall I was and all and not
think I was a goddam minor. Then I watched the phonies for a while. Some guy ne
xt to me was snowing hell out of the babe he was with. He kept telling her she h
ad aristocratic hands. That killed me. The other end of the bar was full of flit
s. They weren't too flitty-looking--I mean they didn't have their hair too long
or anything--but you could tell they were flits anyway. Finally old Luce showed
Old Luce. What a guy. He was supposed to be my Student Adviser when I wa
s at Whooton. The only thing he ever did, though, was give these sex talks and a
ll, late at night when there was a bunch of guys in his room. He knew quite a bi
- 705 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:06:19
- t about sex, especially perverts and all. He was always telling us about a lot o
f creepy guys that go around having affairs with sheep, and guys that go around
with girls' pants sewed in the lining of their hats and all. And flits and Lesbi
ans. Old Luce knew who every flit and Lesbian in the United States was. All you
had to do was mention somebody--anybody--and old Luce'd tell you if he was a fli
t or not. Sometimes it was hard to believe, the people he said were flits and Le
sbians and all, movie actors and like that. Some of the ones he said were flits
were even married, for God's sake. You'd keep saying to him, "You mean Joe Blow'
s a flit? Joe Blow? That big, tough guy that plays gangsters and cowboys all the
time?" Old Luce'd say, "Certainly." He was always saying "Certainly." He said i
- 706 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:06:55
- t didn't matter if a guy was married or not. He said half the married guys in th
e world were flits and didn't even know it. He said you could turn into one prac
tically overnight, if you had all the traits and all. He used to scare the hell
out of us. I kept waiting to turn into a flit or something. The funny thing abou
t old Luce, I used to think he was sort of flitty himself, in a way. He was alwa
ys saying, "Try this for size," and then he'd goose the hell out of you while yo
u were going down the corridor. And whenever he went to the can, he always left
the goddam door open and talked to you while you were brushing your teeth or som
ething. That stuff's sort of flitty. It really is. I've known quite a few real f
lits, at schools and all, and they're always doing stuff like that, and that's w
- 707 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:08:58
- hy I always had my doubts about old Luce. He was a pretty intelligent guy, thoug
h. He really was.
He never said hello or anything when he met you. The first thing he said
when he sat down was that he could only stay a couple of minutes. He said he ha
d a date. Then he ordered a dry Martini. He told the bartender to make it very d
ry, and no olive.
"Hey, I got a flit for you," I told him. "At the end of the bar. Don't l
ook now. I been saving him for ya."
"Very funny," he said. "Same old Caulfield. When are you going to grow u
- 708 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:09:20
- I bored him a lot. I really did. He amused me, though. He was one of tho
se guys that sort of amuse me a lot.
"How's your sex life?" I asked him. He hated you to ask him stuff like t
"Relax," he said. "Just sit back and relax, for Chrissake."
"I'm relaxed," I said. "How's Columbia? Ya like it?"
"Certainly I like it. If I didn't like it I wouldn't have gone there," h
e said. He could be pretty boring himself sometimes.
"What're you majoring in?" I asked him. "Perverts?" I was only horsing a
- 709 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:10:12
- "What're you trying to be--funny?"
"No. I'm only kidding," I said. "Listen, hey, Luce. You're one of these
intellectual guys. I need your advice. I'm in a terrific--"
He let out this big groan on me. "Listen, Caulfield. If you want to sit
here and have a quiet, peaceful drink and a quiet, peaceful conver--"
"All right, all right," I said. "Relax." You could tell he didn't feel l
ike discussing anything serious with me. That's the trouble with these intellect
ual guys. They never want to discuss anything serious unless they feel like it.
So all I did was, I started discussing topics in general with him. "No kidding,
how's your sex life?" I asked him. "You still going around with that same babe y
- 710 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:11:57
- ou used to at Whooton? The one with the terrffic--"
"Good God, no," he said.
"How come? What happened to her?"
"I haven't the faintest idea. For all I know, since you ask, she's proba
bly the Whore of New Hampshire by this time."
"That isn't nice. If she was decent enough to let you get sexy with her
all the time, you at least shouldn't talk about her that way."
"Oh, God!" old Luce said. "Is this going to be a typical Caulfield conve
rsation? I want to know right now."
"No," I said, "but it isn't nice anyway. If she was decent and nice enou
- 711 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:13:09
- gh to let you--"
"Must we pursue this horrible trend of thought?"
I didn't say anything. I was sort of afraid he'd get up and leave on me
if I didn't shut up. So all I did was, I ordered another drink. I felt like gett
ing stinking drunk.
"Who're you going around with now?" I asked him. "You feel like telling
"Nobody you know."
"Yeah, but who? I might know her."
"Girl lives in the Village. Sculptress. If you must know."
- 712 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:13:25
- "Yeah? No kidding? How old is she?"
"I've never asked her, for God's sake."
"Well, around how old?"
"I should imagine she's in her late thirties," old Luce said.
"In her late thirties? Yeah? You like that?" I asked him. "You like 'em
that old?" The reason I was asking was because he really knew quite a bit about
sex and all. He was one of the few guys I knew that did. He lost his virginity w
hen he was only fourteen, in Nantucket. He really did.
"I like a mature person, if that's what you mean. Certainly."
"You do? Why? No kidding, they better for sex and all?"
- 713 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:14:34
- "Listen. Let's get one thing straight. I refuse to answer any typical Ca
ulfield questions tonight. When in hell are you going to grow up?"
I didn't say anything for a while. I let it drop for a while. Then old L
uce ordered another Martini and told the bartender to make it a lot dryer.
"Listen. How long you been going around with her, this sculpture babe?"
I asked him. I was really interested. "Did you know her when you were at Whooton
"Hardly. She just arrived in this country a few months ago."
"She did? Where's she from?"
"She happens to be from Shanghai."
- 714 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:15:52
- "No kidding! She Chinese, for Chrissake?"
"No kidding! Do you like that? Her being Chinese?"
"Why? I'd be interested to know--I really would."
"I simply happen to find Eastern philosophy more satisfactory than Weste
rn. Since you ask."
"You do? Wuddaya mean 'philosophy'? Ya mean sex and all? You mean it's b
etter in China? That what you mean?"
"Not necessarily in China, for God's sake. The East I said. Must we go o
- 715 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:16:43
- n with this inane conversation?"
"Listen, I'm serious," I said. "No kidding. Why's it better in the East?
"It's too involved to go into, for God's sake," old Luce said. "They sim
ply happen to regard sex as both a physical and a spiritual experience. If you t
"So do I! So do I regard it as a wuddayacallit--a physical and spiritual
experience and all. I really do. But it depends on who the hell I'm doing it wi
th. If I'm doing it with somebody I don't even--"
"Not so loud, for God's sake, Caulfield. If you can't manage to keep you
- 716 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:18:37
- r voice down, let's drop the whole--"
"All right, but listen," I said. I was getting excited and I was talking
a little too loud. Sometimes I talk a little loud when I get excited. "This is
what I mean, though," I said. "I know it's supposed to be physical and spiritual
, and artistic and all. But what I mean is, you can't do it with everybody--ever
y girl you neck with and all--and make it come out that way. Can you?"
"Let's drop it," old Luce said. "Do you mind?"
"All right, but listen. Take you and this Chinese babe. What's so good a
bout you two?"
"Drop it, I said."
- 717 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:18:59
- I was getting a little too personal. I realize that. But that was one of
the annoying things about Luce. When we were at Whooton, he'd make you describe
the most personal stuff that happened to you, but if you started asking him que
stions about himself, he got sore. These intellectual guys don't like to have an
intellectual conversation with you unless they're running the whole thing. They
always want you to shut up when they shut up, and go back to your room when the
y go back to their room. When I was at Whooton old Luce used to hate it--you rea
lly could tell he did--when after he was finished giving his sex talk to a bunch
of us in his room we stuck around and chewed the fat by ourselves for a while.
I mean the other guys and myself. In somebody else's room. Old Luce hated that.
- 718 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:19:15
- He always wanted everybody to go back to their own room and shut up when he was
finished being the big shot. The thing he was afraid of, he was afraid somebody'
d say something smarter than he had. He really amused me.
"Maybe I'll go to China. My sex life is lousy," I said.
"Naturally. Your mind is immature."
"It is. It really is. I know it," I said. "You know what the trouble wit
h me is? I can never get really sexy--I mean really sexy--with a girl I don't li
ke a lot. I mean I have to like her a lot. If I don't, I sort of lose my goddam
desire for her and all. Boy, it really screws up my sex life something awful. My
sex life stinks."
- 719 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:19:33
- "Naturally it does, for God's sake. I told you the last time I saw you w
hat you need."
"You mean to go to a psychoanalyst and all?" I said. That's what he'd to
ld me I ought to do. His father was a psychoanalyst and all.
"It's up to you, for God's sake. It's none of my goddam business what yo
u do with your life."
I didn't say anything for a while. I was thinking.
"Supposing I went to your father and had him psychoanalyze me and all,"
I said. "What would he do to me? I mean what would he do to me?"
"He wouldn't do a goddam thing to you. He'd simply talk to you, and you'
- 720 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:20:29
- d talk to him, for God's sake. For one thing, he'd help you to recognize the pat
terns of your mind."
"The patterns of your mind. Your mind runs in-- Listen. I'm not giving a
n elementary course in psychoanalysis. If you're interested, call him up and mak
e an appointment. If you're not, don't. I couldn't care less, frankly."
I put my hand on his shoulder. Boy, he amused me. "You're a real friendl
y bastard," I told him. "You know that?"
He was looking at his wrist watch. "I have to tear," he said, and stood
up. "Nice seeing you." He got the bartender and told him to bring him his check.
- 721 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:20:51
- "Hey," I said, just before he beat it. "Did your father ever psychoanaly
"Me? Why do you ask?"
"No reason. Did he, though? Has he?"
"Not exactly. He's helped me to adjust myself to a certain extent, but a
n extensive analysis hasn't been necessary. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. I was just wondering."
"Well. Take it easy," he said. He was leaving his tip and all and he was
starting to go.
"Have just one more drink," I told him. "Please. I'm lonesome as hell. N
- 722 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:21:12
- o kidding."
He said he couldn't do it, though. He said he was late now, and then he
Old Luce. He was strictly a pain in the ass, but he certainly had a good
vocabulary. He had the largest vocabulary of any boy at Whooton when I was ther
e. They gave us a test.
- 723 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:22:38
- I kept sitting there getting drunk and waiting for old Tina and Janine t
o come out and do their stuff, but they weren't there. A flitty-looking guy with
wavy hair came out and played the piano, and then this new babe, Valencia, came
out and sang. She wasn't any good, but she was better than old Tina and Janine,
and at least she sang good songs. The piano was right next to the bar where I w
as sitting and all, and old Valencia was standing practically right next to me.
I sort of gave her the old eye, but she pretended she didn't even see me. I prob
ably wouldn't have done it, but I was getting drunk as hell. When she was finish
ed, she beat it out of the room so fast I didn't even get a chance to invite her
to join me for a drink, so I called the headwaiter over. I told him to ask old
- 724 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:23:37
- Valencia if she'd care to join me for a drink. He said he would, but he probably
didn't even give her my message. People never give your message to anybody.
Boy, I sat at that goddam bar till around one o'clock or so, getting dru
nk as a bastard. I could hardly see straight. The one thing I did, though, I was
careful as hell not to get boisterous or anything. I didn't want anybody to not
ice me or anything or ask how old I was. But, boy, I could hardly see straight.
When I was really drunk, I started that stupid business with the bullet in my gu
ts again. I was the only guy at the bar with a bullet in their guts. I kept putt
ing my hand under my jacket, on my stomach and all, to keep the blood from dripp
ing all over the place. I didn't want anybody to know I was even wounded. I was
- 725 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:24:04
- concealing the fact that I was a wounded sonuvabitch. Finally what I felt like,
I felt like giving old Jane a buzz and see if she was home yet. So I paid my che
ck and all. Then I left the bar and went out where the telephones were. I kept k
eeping my hand under my jacket to keep the blood from dripping. Boy, was I drunk
But when I got inside this phone booth, I wasn't much in the mood any mo
re to give old Jane a buzz. I was too drunk, I guess. So what I did, I gave old
Sally Hayes a buzz.
I had to dial about twenty numbers before I got the right one. Boy, was
- 726 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:24:53
- "Hello," I said when somebody answered the goddam phone. I sort of yelle
d it, I was so drunk.
"Who is this?" this very cold lady's voice said.
"This is me. Holden Caulfield. Lemme speaka Sally, please."
"Sally's asleep. This is Sally's grandmother. Why are you calling at thi
s hour, Holden? Do you know what time it is?"
"Yeah. Wanna talka Sally. Very important. Put her on."
"Sally's asleep, young man. Call her tomorrow. Good night."
"Wake 'er up! Wake 'er up, hey. Attaboy."
Then there was a different voice. "Holden, this is me." It was old Sally
- 727 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:25:06
- . "What's the big idea?"
"Sally? That you?"
"Yes--stop screaming. Are you drunk?"
"Yeah. Listen. Listen, hey. I'll come over Christmas Eve. Okay? Trimma g
oddarn tree for ya. Okay? Okay, hey, Sally?"
"Yes. You're drunk. Go to bed now. Where are you? Who's with you?"
"Sally? I'll come over and trimma tree for ya, okay? Okay, hey?"
"Yes. Go to bed now. Where are you? Who's with you?"
"Nobody. Me, myself and I." Boy was I drunk! I was even still holding on
to my guts. "They got me. Rocky's mob got me. You know that? Sally, you know tha
- 728 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:25:29
"I can't hear you. Go to bed now. I have to go. Call me tomorrow."
"Hey, Sally! You want me trimma tree for ya? Ya want me to? Huh?"
"Yes. Good night. Go home and go to bed."
She hung up on me.
"G'night. G'night, Sally baby. Sally sweetheart darling," I said. Can yo
u imagine how drunk I was? I hung up too, then. I figured she probably just came
home from a date. I pictured her out with the Lunts and all somewhere, and that
Andover jerk. All of them swimming around in a goddam pot of tea and saying sop
histicated stuff to each other and being charming and phony. I wished to God I h
- 729 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:25:46
- adn't even phoned her. When I'm drunk, I'm a madman.
I stayed in the damn phone booth for quite a while. I kept holding onto
the phone, sort of, so I wouldn't pass out. I wasn't feeling too marvelous, to t
ell you the truth. Finally, though, I came out and went in the men's room, stagg
ering around like a moron, and filled one of the washbowls with cold water. Then
I dunked my head in it, right up to the ears. I didn't even bother to dry it or
anything. I just let the sonuvabitch drip. Then I walked over to this radiator
by the window and sat down on it. It was nice and warm. It felt good because I w
as shivering like a bastard. It's a funny thing, I always shiver like hell when
- 730 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:27:03
- I didn't have anything else to do, so I kept sitting on the radiator and
counting these little white squares on the floor. I was getting soaked. About a
gallon of water was dripping down my neck, getting all over my collar and tie a
nd all, but I didn't give a damn. I was too drunk to give a damn. Then, pretty s
oon, the guy that played the piano for old Valencia, this very wavyhaired, flitt
y-looking guy, came in to comb his golden locks. We sort of struck up a conversa
tion while he was combing it, except that he wasn't too goddam friendly.
"Hey. You gonna see that Valencia babe when you go back in the bar?" I a
"It's highly probable," he said. Witty bastard. All I ever meet is witty
- 731 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:27:22
"Listen. Give her my compliments. Ask her if that goddam waiter gave her
my message, willya?"
"Why don't you go home, Mac? How old are you, anyway?"
"Eighty-six. Listen. Give her my compliments. Okay?"
"Why don't you go home, Mac?"
"Not me. Boy, you can play that goddam piano." I told him. I was just fl
attering him. He played the piano stinking, if you want to know the truth. "You
oughta go on the radio," I said. "Handsome chap like you. All those goddam golde
n locks. Ya need a manager?"
- 732 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:27:36
- "Go home, Mac, like a good guy. Go home and hit the sack."
"No home to go to. No kidding--you need a manager?"
He didn't answer me. He just went out. He was all through combing his ha
ir and patting it and all, so he left. Like Stradlater. All these handsome guys
are the same. When they're done combing their goddam hair, they beat it on you.
When I finally got down off the radiator and went out to the hat-check r
oom, I was crying and all. I don't know why, but I was. I guess it was because I
was feeling so damn depressed and lonesome. Then, when I went out to the checkr
oom, I couldn't find my goddam check. The hat-check girl was very nice about it,
though. She gave me my coat anyway. And my "Little Shirley Beans" record--I sti
- 733 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:28:15
- ll had it with me and all. I gave her a buck for being so nice, but she wouldn't
take it. She kept telling me to go home and go to bed. I sort of tried to make
a date with her for when she got through working, but she wouldn't do it. She sa
id she was old enough to be my mother and all. I showed her my goddam gray hair
and told her I was forty-two--I was only horsing around, naturally. She was nice
, though. I showed her my goddam red hunting hat, and she liked it. She made me
put it on before I went out, because my hair was still pretty wet. She was all r
I didn't feel too drunk any more when I went outside, but it was getting
very cold out again, and my teeth started chattering like hell. I couldn't make
- 734 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:29:29
- them stop. I walked over to Madison Avenue and started to wait around for a bus
because I didn't have hardly any money left and I had to start economizing on c
abs and all. But I didn't feel like getting on a damn bus. And besides, I didn't
even know where I was supposed to go. So what I did, I started walking over to
the park. I figured I'd go by that little lake and see what the hell the ducks w
ere doing, see if they were around or not, I still didn't know if they were arou
nd or not. It wasn't far over to the park, and I didn't have anyplace else speci
al to go to--I didn't even know where I was going to sleep yet--so I went. I was
n't tired or anything. I just felt blue as hell.
Then something terrible happened just as I got in the park. I dropped ol
- 735 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:29:55
- d Phoebe's record. It broke-into about fifty pieces. It was in a big envelope an
d all, but it broke anyway. I damn near cried, it made me feel so terrible, but
all I did was, I took the pieces out of the envelope and put them in my coat poc
ket. They weren't any good for anything, but I didn't feel like just throwing
them away. Then I went in the park. Boy, was it dark.
I've lived in New York all my life, and I know Central Park like the bac
k of my hand, because I used to roller-skate there all the time and ride my bike
when I was a kid, but I had the most terrific trouble finding that lagoon that
night. I knew right where it was--it was right near Central Park South and all--
but I still couldn't find it. I must've been drunker than I thought. I kept walk
- 736 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:30:09
- ing and walking, and it kept getting darker and darker and spookier and spookier
. I didn't see one person the whole time I was in the park. I'm just as glad. I
probably would've jumped about a mile if I had. Then, finally, I found it. What
it was, it was partly frozen and partly not frozen. But I didn't see any ducks a
round. I walked all around the whole damn lake--I damn near fell in once, in fac
t--but I didn't see a single duck. I thought maybe if there were any around, the
y might be asleep or something near the edge of the water, near the grass and al
l. That's how I nearly fell in. But I couldn't find any.
Finally I sat down on this bench, where it wasn't so goddam dark. Boy, I
was still shivering like a bastard, and the back of my hair, even though I had
- 737 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:30:36
- my hunting hat on, was sort of full of little hunks of ice. That worried me. I t
hought probably I'd get pneumonia and die. I started picturing millions of jerks
coming to my funeral and all. My grandfather from Detroit, that keeps calling o
ut the numbers of the streets when you ride on a goddam bus with him, and my aun
ts--I have about fifty aunts--and all my lousy cousins. What a mob'd be there. T
hey all came when Allie died, the whole goddam stupid bunch of them. I have this
one stupid aunt with halitosis that kept saying how peaceful he looked lying th
ere, D.B. told me. I wasn't there. I was still in the hospital. I had to go to t
he hospital and all after I hurt my hand. Anyway, I kept worrying that I was get
ting pneumonia, with all those hunks of ice in my hair, and that I was going to
- 738 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:30:53
- die. I felt sorry as hell for my mother and father. Especially my mother, becaus
e she still isn't over my brother Allie yet. I kept picturing her not knowing wh
at to do with all my suits and athletic equipment and all. The only good thing,
I knew she wouldn't let old Phoebe come to my goddam funeral because she was onl
y a little kid. That was the only good part. Then I thought about the whole bunc
h of them sticking me in a goddam cemetery and all, with my name on this tombsto
ne and all. Surrounded by dead guys. Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you
up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in th
e river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People c
oming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that cra
- 739 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:31:38
- p. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
When the weather's nice, my parents go out quite frequently and stick a
bunch of flowers on old Allie's grave. I went with them a couple of times, but I
cut it out. In the first place, I certainly don't enjoy seeing him in that craz
y cemetery. Surrounded by dead guys and tombstones and all. It wasn't too bad wh
en the sun was out, but twice--twice--we were there when it started to rain. It
was awful. It rained on his lousy tombstone, and it rained on the grass on his s
tomach. It rained all over the place. All the visitors that were visiting the ce
metery started running like hell over to their cars. That's what nearly drove me
crazy. All the visitors could get in their cars and turn on their radios and al
- 740 ：非公開＠個人情報保護のため：2010/07/25(日) 08:32:49
- l and then go someplace nice for dinner--everybody except Allie. I couldn't stan
d it. I know it's only his body and all that's in the cemetery, and his soul's i
n Heaven and all that crap, but I couldn't stand it anyway. I just wish he wasn'
t there. You didn't know him. If you'd known him, you'd know what I mean. It's n
ot too bad when the sun's out, but the sun only comes out when it feels like com
After a while, just to get my mind off getting pneumonia and all, I took
out my dough and tried to count it in the lousy light from the street lamp. All
I had was three singles and five quarters and a nickel left--boy, I spent a for
tune since I left Pencey. Then what I did, I went down near the lagoon and I sor
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